‘Do you remember when we first started out? OnDesert Island Castaway? When we’d do those night shoots, and we’d sit together like this?’
I didn’t say anything.
‘I know you’re angry with me, Murray. But don’t shut me out. Please.’
‘Why not?’ I said. ‘You did it to me.’
She paused before she spoke again. Less a hesitation, more an absorption of a blow.
‘I deserve that.’
‘Yes. You do.’
Another pause.
‘I should have told you, when Cece asked me to help her sneak out to see Dylan again,’ she said. ‘I nearly did. Several times. But you were so caught up in your vision for the show that I knew you’d find a way to stop her.’
‘And what a tragedy that would have been. Two young, attractive people, who might have had to wait a while to hook up. Disaster.’
‘Do you know what one of the biggest regrets of my life is?’
I cracked. I looked at her.
‘Running away from you, that day in the laundry,’ she said. ‘It – you – made me feel so much. It was so big. So overwhelming. I got scared. I bundled it all up and I locked it away, because it was so… much.’
She sighed. ‘Then there was Cece. Doing the opposite. Running towards something, even though it was probably going to end in disaster, and I just thought – what was the point? What was the point of everything I’ve ever done, every mistake I’ve ever made, if I couldn’t help someone be braver than I was?’
I didn’t respond.
‘Plus, judging by everything you said about how committed everyone was to the plan, I thought I was just helpingthem get a headstart on a secret relationship.’ She smiled weakly. ‘And if it did blow up, well… better story, right?’
On cue, my eye started twitching.
‘Sorry. I’m not trying to one-up you or anything. Even though Iamright.’
‘Lily.’
‘Sorry.’
I stood up. I needed space from her if I was going to be able to think clearly.
‘When you walked into that hotel room six weeks ago,’ I said, ‘and you were wearing that ridiculous yellow dress, I just about had a heart attack.’
‘I know. I’m sorry.’
‘I heard you before I saw you. I was looking at my tablet, and I said something to the PA. I got his name wrong, and you told me off.’
‘I can apologise for that too, if you want.’
‘Lily, do you know the first thing I thought when I heard your voice? Before anything else sank in?’
I looked down at her. She shook her head.
‘I thought,oh thank god.’
I took a few steps and then turned around to face her again. ‘It was relief,’ I said. ‘Before everything else, it was relief, because I thought I had you back again.’
She stood up too. ‘You do.’
