The room was almost full now, the last few stragglers making their way in. ‘Should we get started?’ I asked, jamming my thumb hard into the diamond of my engagement ring, grinding it against my wedding band
‘Sure.’ He stabbed at the tablet so the screen didn’t fall asleep, and then stepped away from the lectern. ‘After you.’
Later that night, I did one last walkthrough of the Villa, doing final checks before filming started tomorrow.
There wasn’t much to check. We’d filmed in this particular Villa for several years now, so all the problematic edges had long since been smoothed away. ‘I know everything is fine,’ I’d told Murray. ‘But now that we’re in charge, I just want to make extra sure.’
‘Do you want me to stay? Do it with you?’
I shook my head. ‘Go get some sleep. I’ve got this.’
My footsteps echoed on the floorboards as I walked through. I straightened a few blankets on a few bunk beds. I checked the bathroom cupboards, made sure there were some emergency toiletries for the women who forgot things. I made sure the kitchen had the basics, that the grocery order list was on the bench. I straightened some cushions in the living room, bringing forward the most romantic-coded colours.
I went into the laundry.
There was nothing exciting about it. Nothing at all. The cupboards were stocked with detergent and fabric softener. There were some spare towels, for when some inevitably got ruined by makeup. All was well.
Our washing machine was still in the same place. Unchanged. Immovable.
I folded my fingers around its edges, gripping it so tightly my knuckles turned white, my engagement and wedding rings pressing uncomfortably into my finger.
I loved Jeff. I was happy with him. The thought of being without him was unspeakable.
And Murray was happy too. He was dating someone again, a redhead whose name I kept forgetting because I got distracted by her laugh. I was sure part of him still missed Julia, but he was happy.
But if I’d listened to him that day –I care about you too, Lily. So much. What about this felt like we were ruining anything?– if I hadn’t been so scared and overwhelmed by howmuchit all was – if I hadn’t been so petrified that I’d lose him, so terrified that I’d fuck up something which had proved over and over again to be unfuckuppable…
Murray O’Connell might have loved me forever.
28Murray
Hours later, I sat alone on the Convent steps, staring out into the night sky.
Maybe one day I’d be able to look back on this day and think of it as a success. A clusterfuck, but a success.
I was going to produce the most talked-about season in the history of the Romeo and Juliet franchise. The star-crossed surprise twist of Romeo-Dylan falling in love with the woman he friendzoned in Episode One was going to be jaw-dropping television.
On top of that, Juliet-Dylan had turned up at the Convent a while later and declared her love to Amanda. I was going to get two incredibly romantic, wholesome, marketable couples out of this. Two beautiful love stories, unlike anything the show had ever done before.
And I had the time and money I needed to actually tell them. I’d had a long conversation with Fucking Greg and the network lawyers and got it worked out. Because Romeo-Dylanhad broken his contract, he had to pay back his appearance fee. I was going to keep him, Cece, Juliet-Dylan and Amanda here for a couple of weeks, and use the money from his fee to pay some select crew members to do reshoots.
‘Can you make sure Dyl still gets paid, though?’ Romeo-Dylan had asked me anxiously. ‘I don’t need the money. She does. I’ll pay it out of my own pocket if I have to.’
‘Fine, fine,’ I’d replied.
His fee was large enough that his pocket was safe, though. There was even a little money left over, which I earmarked as a bonus for Amanda. She’d earned it, after what I’d done to her.
The four of them were in bed now. Romeo-Dylan and Cece had gone back to his boat. Juliet-Dylan and Amanda had gone back to the Villa. ‘Reshoots will start early tomorrow,’ I’d told them tersely. ‘I can only afford to keep one makeup artist here, so no fucking all night and ending up with eyebags. Get some sleep.’
I should go to bed too. I had more long days and long nights ahead of me, with little respite.
But there was no point. There wasn’t much difference between staring at the stars and staring at the ceiling.
‘Hi,’ Lily said softly.
She sat down on the step beside me, skirt brushing my leg. ‘Quite a night.’
I didn’t reply.
