‘You could say that.
‘Full sentences, Amanda.’
‘Our feelings for Dylan JM came between us, but it wasn’t just that,’ I said. ‘Dylan G just isn’t who I thought she was.’
‘Good job,’ Murray said to me when we wrapped up. ‘You’ve got a really strong narrative arc coming through now. It’ll set you up well for the rest of the season, and give you a smooth shot ontoJuliet on the Beachif you want it.’
I appreciated that he wasn’t even pretending there was a possibility I was going to win. At least someone was being honest with me.
Production stood Dylan and I next to each other at the next Necklace Ceremony, probably hoping for some kind of showdown, but we didn’t say a word to each other. I hugged Naya goodbye. So did Dylan. Our elbows knocked painfully together, but neither of us said anything, not even sorry.
Production also sat us next to each other on the couch for the single date card reading (‘Roses are red, some salads are Caesar, I’ve kept you waiting, but date me, Parisa?’). ‘I’m excited for you, ’risa, but the rhymes are getting worse,’ Kumiko said. ‘Caesar?’
‘I don’t know, my favourite’s still when they rhymed “Amanda” with “Uganda”,’ Parisa said. ‘Did we ever find out whether that was true? Has he been to Uganda?’
‘Not that he told me,’ I replied. ‘I was too preoccupied with the car on that date to do any fact-checking.’
‘He has,’ Dylan said. ‘When he was a baby.’
‘What a shame for you that it didn’t come up in the trivia game the other day,’ Lily said.
I could feel Dylan beside me trying to control her irritation, but I didn’t say anything to her, and she didn’t say anything to me.
I suppose it was technically a lie that I didn’t sayanythingto her for a week. ‘Ladies, there will be no group date this episode,’ Z announced. ‘No Last Chance Party or Necklace Ceremony either. Instead, it’s time for the dreaded Thunderdome date. Two women will be going on a date with our Romeo. One will get a necklace and return to the Villa. The other will go straight to the Convent.’
He laid the date card on the coffee table. ‘Amanda,’ he said, ‘if you’d like to do the honours?’
I got up and slipped the card out of the envelope. ‘Roses are red, a lock needs a key,’ I read, ‘it’s time for a choice, Lily, Dylan G.’
Dylan exhaled and leaned back against the couch cushions. Lily laughed. ‘This should be fun,’ she said.
I was feeling a whole lot of emotions, but chief among them was relief that it wasn’t me on the Thunderdome date card instead of Lily. The last way I wanted to be eliminated was with both Dylans grabbing me by the hair and rubbing their relationship in my face.
There were other emotions in the cocktail too, though. Anger, definitely, still. Fear, despite myself, that Dylan might not come back. And worse, hope that she wouldn’t – that she and Romeo-Dylanweren’tperfect for each other, that all this had been some horrible misunderstanding and there was hope for her and me yet.
Don’t you have any self-respect?Jac whispered in my mind.
I cracked and said two words to Dylan just before she left. ‘Good luck,’ I muttered.
‘Thanks,’ she replied.
Then she and Lily were gone. Even though Parisa and Kumiko and Jess D were still in the Villa with me, it suddenly felt cavernously empty.
I went to bed early that night. It was the first time I’d taken my make-up off by myself in the whole four weeks I’d been on the show. Dylan and Lily were the only other people left in my bedroom, and neither of them were here. I was going to be alone with whichever one of them came back.
I closed my eyes and tried to force myself to go to sleep. I could feel the hard edges of the affirmation flashcards under my pillow. I traced them with the tip of one finger, over and over again, as I lay there for hours in the darkness, waiting for the bedroom door to open.
When it finally did, I allowed myself the quickest peek. It was Dylan silhouetted against the hall light.
Of course it was.
‘Mandie?’ she whispered.
I didn’t respond.
After a moment, she sighed. The bathroom door clicked shut softly behind her.
I turned over so I was facing the wall and curled myself around my feelings, my knees almost touching my chin.
