‘Oh God, I’m so sorry. What happened?’
‘Whoa whoa whoa, not like that!’ I said. ‘Nothing tragic, nothing dramatic. We just broke up, that’s all. But I took it hard. I’m still taking it hard, to be honest. It hurt me really badly.’
‘Break-ups suck.’
‘But I don’t want to hurt forever,’ I said, pitching my voice low, soft. ‘I don’t want there to be a hole in my life. I want to find love again. So… here I am.’
‘Here you are,’ he echoed.
He was still looking into my eyes. His fingers twitched under mine.
Should I lean in? Go for the kiss? Or should I wait for him to do it?
I’d just about decided to go for it when Romeo-Dylan turned away abruptly. ‘Amanda, I’ve had the most wonderful day with you,’ he said, fiddling with something beside him. ‘It was so much fun, seeing you absolutely delighted by the car. Then tonight, when you opened up to me, that really meant a lot. You were really vulnerable with me. Really showed me who you are. I’m really grateful you did that.’
‘I’mreallygrateful you listened.’
If he’d clocked my gentle ribbing, he didn’t acknowledge it. ‘Which is why I’d like you to stay,’ he said, producing a necklace. ‘Amanda, I want to know if your heart is the other half of mine. Will you take this necklace and commit to finding out with me?’
‘I’d love to,’ I said. ‘Thank you.’
I turned and moved my ponytail aside. He fastened the necklace. It took him two tries this time. His fingers were a little shaky.
Those same fingers were shaky on my cheek when I turned back around. Out of the corner of my eye, I couldsee Murray. He was holding his phone up, screen sideways, the wordsKISS HERemblazoned across it.
Romeo-Dylan’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. He stroked a strand of my hair back, then rested his hand gently against my jaw, barely touching me, thumb and middle finger tapping together twice behind my ear before he stilled them.Can I?he asked me with his eyes.
I nodded, ever so slightly.
The kiss was… nice.
It had been so long since I’d kissed anyone other than Jac. It was good to know that she hadn’t ruined me for all other people. It felt pleasant, Romeo-Dylan’s lips on mine. I enjoyed the moments when we broke apart but were still close together, breathing each other’s air, before our lips brushed together again.
It reminded me of kissing my ex-boyfriend Mark. It didn’t blow my mind. It didn’t rock my world.
But it was nice. You could do a lot worse than nice.
There was no beautiful Lambo to take me home. After we did another round of ITMs, Murray drove me back up to the Villa on a golf cart. ‘Good job,’ he told me gruffly. ‘It’s good to know one of you can actually take instruction.’
I wondered if he was talking about Lily. It didn’t seem wise to ask, though.
Production had made sure all the other women were sitting on the couches in the living room when I came back in. I took Murray’stell-a-storydirective to heart and did mybest to regale them with all the events of the day (including, I’ll be honest, probably a lot more details about the car than anyone gave a shit about).
‘Did you kiss?’ Naya asked.
I bit my lip and didn’t say anything.
‘They totally kissed!’ Naya said. ‘Look at her turning red!’
I looked at the floor, mostly so I didn’t accidentally look at Dylan and give the game away. Murray might have promised not to out me, but if I looked at her, surely someone would seeit was the wrong Dylanwritten all over my face.
Naya followed me into the bathroom when I went in to take off my make-up – ‘Tell me more about the kiss,’ she demanded – so Dylan and I didn’t do our usual night-time ritual together. ‘Hey,’ I said to her, as I came out of the bathroom, and ‘Hey,’ she said as she went in, but that was about all the interaction we had.
I was grateful. There might not be cameras in the bedrooms or the bathrooms, but if my heart eyes were so obvious that Murray had clocked them, other people would notice soon too – if they hadn’t already.
How on earth was I going to get that under control? Not talking to Dylan was not a sustainable solution. Even if I was willing to just cut her out of my life – which I was not! not a chance! – there was no way I could do that in an environment like the Juliet Villa.
But however I did it, I had to get it under control. The last couple of days had been such a dangerous backslide. I’d let Jac’s voice in. I’d let a whole bunch of negative self-talk in. I’d let my friendship with Dylan get all strange and weird,because I’d let all those dangerous fantasies in, those tantalising thoughts that maybe, just maybe, she might feel a little of what I felt about her.
