‘You could have.’
‘I know. I’m sorry. I wish I had a better explanation for you. It’s just…’
‘Hey,’ she said. ‘You don’t need to apologise, Mandie. I’m the one who’s out of line. I’m the last person who should be making people feel shitty for not revealing things.’
I wanted to ask what she meant, but she reached over and took my hand. She folded her fingers through mine and squeezed tight, and I forgot how to breathe.
‘I’m glad you told me now, though,’ she said softly.
‘I’m glad I told you too.’
That was true. I was glad.
Or I would be, if there was room for anything else in my brain besides her fingers wrapped around mine, her eyes looking into mine.
In the early morning sun, she was radiant. The light caught notes of gold in her hair. She had a kind of Medusa power over me, which was lucky, because if I’d been able to move, I would have reached out and traced a line down her face.
She licked her lips. My eyes flickered to them involuntarily.
Oh no. Had she caught me—
‘Amanda!’ Kumiko yelled from the Villa. ‘Are you out there? We need to do the shopping list for this week!’
‘Coming!’ I called, scrambling to my feet, and I ran away before Dylan could ask me any more dangerous questions.
By the time we were summoned to the couches for the next group date card reveal, I’d been through:
1) Another intense round of political negotiations over the shopping list;
2) Hair and make-up (my rotation partner this time was Jess K, which meant I’d also been through a long lecture on keto and why we’d made all the wrong choices in doing the shopping list); and
3) An ITM with Murray about who I hoped would be on the group date card. (‘I really hope I’m on the card today, I need some more time with the Romeo!’ I’d said in thebrightest voice I could muster, hoping that my wild eyes would read as ‘enthusiastic’ and not ‘unhinged’.)
It hadn’t changed anything. My heart was still beating a million miles a minute. I was still playing the moment in my head over and over again.
Her hand in mine.
The sun in her hair.
Her licking her lips.
My eyes flickering to them.
Between the hair and make-up rotation and ITMs and Dylan’s daily phone call with Noah, I hadn’t been able to speak to her since. I felt like I was teetering on the edge of a cliff, unsure if she was going to catch me or shove me off.
‘Roses are red, a fire does burn,’ Jess D read off the date card, ‘things that are lost can one day return.’
Dylan was sitting next to me on the couch. The whole side of my body that was brushing against her felt hot. Could she feel it?
Her licking her lips.
My eyes flickering to them.
‘What doesthatmean?’ Belinda wondered aloud.
‘Is one of the Convent girls coming back?’ Jess K asked.
‘It’d have to be Marija, right?’ Naya said. ‘It seemed so obvious that he liked her. He got rid of her out of nowhere.’
