‘And even if you didn’t get a necklace, that wouldn’t say anything about you,’ Dylan said. ‘All it would mean was that you and he weren’t the right match. There’s no shame in that.’
It was strange, how I almost believed her. I’d heard those kinds of words over and over again from my friends and from Mum when Jac dumped me –it’s not about you, Mandie, you just weren’t right for each other– and they’d done exactly nothing to stop me spiralling into a pit of despair and self-loathing.
Maybe it hadn’t just been that sparkly green dress from the First Night Party. Maybe Dylan really was magic. Maybe that was why being around her had such a profound effect on me.
‘Dylan!’ one of the PAs called. ‘Out of the make-up chair! We need to get the next girl in!’
‘Nextwoman!’ she called back, standing up.
Then she bent low, her lips almost brushing my ear and consequently almost giving me a heart attack. ‘Remember,’ she whispered, ‘if he let you go, it’d be his loss, not yours.’
‘Are you cold?’ the make-up artist asked. ‘You’re shivering.’
‘Oh – um – no,’ I said. ‘I’m fine.’
Dylan left. I let out a long breath and pulled myself back together. ‘Sorry,’ I said to the make-up artist.
‘No problems,’ she said. ‘Just don’t want to get eyeliner allover your face. You look so gorgeous tonight. I’d hate myself if I ruined it.’
She was right. Wardrobe and make-up had done right by me. I did look gorgeous.
Even in the darkest depths of my post-being-dumped spiral, my appearance was the one thing in which my confidence had never wavered. I was pretty enough for Jac to spot across a crowded wedding and decide to steal away, even if she ultimately decided she didn’t like anything else about me. I might not have a lot of hidden depths, but I gave very good surface.
I hoped the surface would be enough tonight. That my face and my hair and this killer black dress would be enough to convince Romeo-Dylan to keep me. That I could at least dazzle him enough with my appearance to distract him from my lack of substance.
No. Mandie. Stop. Quicksand.
I ran through my list in my mind and focused on number 6. I was good at making friends. I’d done it with Romeo-Dylan on the first night. All I had to do tonight was remind him of what a nice, easy, friendly dynamic we had. Didn’t the best relationships start with a solid basis of friendship? I could totally do this.
… if I could just psych myself up to go and talk to him.
When I finally got out of hair and make-up, Dylan had been pulled away to do an ITM, so I was on my own. I got myself a glass of champagne from the bar, took a long swig, found a quiet spot near the hedge maze, away from everyone, and tried to give myself a pep talk.Just do it,I ordered myself.What’s the worst that could happen?
What was I so worried about? The stakes weren’t even that high! I would interrupt his conversation, and Romeo-Dylan would probably say,Sure, let’s talk. Maybe,Give me a few minutes to wrap this up and I’ll come find you, at the absolute worst.
We’d sit down. We’d talk. He was nice. It would be fine.
Amanda, I really don’t see this going anywhere,he’d say.I’m looking for a deeper connection. You’re nice, but there’s not that much to you.
Tears would well in my eyes.Please, we need to be adults about this,he’d say.
I tilted my head back and looked at the night sky.Stop being ridiculous,I ordered myself.
‘What are you doing?’
Lily Fireball was standing at the entrance to the maze. She was in dark green tonight, almost the same colour as the hedges, but the giant gold necklace around her neck made her stand out. It was shaped like a snake, with a twinkling green gemstone as an eye. Subtle.
‘What are you doing?’ she repeated, arching an eyebrow. ‘Are you lost? Party’s that way. You know, where all the cameras are?’
‘I know,’ I said, a little too defensively.
She arched her eyebrow even higher.
‘I know,’ I said, more firmly. ‘I’m just… preparing myself. I want to go and talk to the Romeo.’
‘What’s there to prepare?’ she said. ‘You just sashay up to him and say, “Can I steal you for a second?” It’s not complicated.’
‘I—’ I hesitated.
