‘Have you seen what they look like by the end?’ Melinda/Belinda said. ‘I am not getting to the end of this looking like some kind of fairy-tale hag.’
‘What makes you think you’re getting to the end of this?’ Jess D said.
‘I can’t believe you just said that,’ Melinda/Belinda said.
‘We’re getting off-topic,’ I said. ‘We need—’
‘It’s a legitimate question,’ Jess D said.
‘So, like, you’re going to win, then?’ Melinda/Belinda said. ‘On your diet of rice and beans? Are you going to go fishing in the lake for protein?’
‘Hey!’
Everyone shut up and looked at Dylan.
‘This is getting us nowhere,’ she said. ‘Shut up, all of you, and listen to Mandie.’
… how did she do that?
Maybe I really had just been confused the night before. Maybe instead of desperately wanting to be with her, I just wanted tobeher.
‘What were you saying?’ Dylan asked.
She looked at me. Our eyes met.
The earth wobbled, just a little.
‘We should start by making a list of everyone’s dietary requirements,’ I said hurriedly, looking around at the other women. ‘And food allergies. That’ll give us a place to start.’
‘I am not eating keto for the next six weeks,’ Heather said.
‘No one’s asking you to,’ Kumiko said. ‘That’s a good idea, Amanda. Let’s start there. Is there a pen and paper in here somewhere?’
We found a notebook and a bundle of pens held together with a rubber band in one of the kitchen drawers, and I started taking notes. ‘All right, so we have three vegetarians, a pescatarian, two vegans, a dairy allergy, a shellfish allergy, a nut allergy, one person on low FODMAP, and two people doing low-carb,’ I said.
‘Keto isn’t just low-carb,’ Jess K said. ‘It’s about changing the way your body creates energy so—’
‘Shut up!’ four or five people said at the same time.
‘You know keto is hell on your kidneys, right?’ Dylan said. ‘Not to mention your bowels.’
‘Can we not talk about bowels while we’re ordering food, please?’ Marija said.
‘Can we all agree to three vegan days a week, where we all eat together?’ I asked.
‘No!’ Melinda/Belinda said. ‘I’m paleo! I need meat!’
‘Don’t get me started on paleo,’ Dylan muttered.
‘Look at the price of meat,’ Parisa said, flipping over to the third page of the list. ‘Three days vegan sounds like the bare minimum, if you crunch the numbers.’
I ripped a page out of the notebook. ‘All right, three vegan days a week,’ I said, drawing up a grid and writing the days of the week down the side in one column. ‘Does anyone know what days Last Chance Parties are? There are canapes at those, so we don’t need to do a dinner. If we plan our vegan days to line up with those, then those of you who really need meat can get some there.’
‘Oh yes, like a tiny meatball is going to help,’ Melinda/Belinda said.
‘You know who’s not helping?’ Jess D said, eyeballing her fiercely.
‘I have dietary needs!’
