“Oh, please,” she said.“I’mthe mess.My baby.My perfect baby is dead.”There was a sound of rustling over the line, and she blew her nose.
“He was my brother,” Remi said softly.He didn’t want to fight with his mom.She was just upset, and he wanted to comfort her and be there for her.“I miss him too.I miss him all the time.”
“You’re a liar,” she said.“You’ve always been.You lied all the time to get Emerson in trouble, but I always knew.A mother always knows.Like when you pushed him down the stairs—”
“For the last time, I never pushed him!”Remi said.“We were three years old, and we were playing.It was an accident.”Maybeyoushouldn’t have let three-year-olds play by the stairs.
“—on some days, I’m sure that you did something to your car before Emerson borrowed it.”
“What?”Remi stopped walking.He’d made it to a park in the middle of the city.The entire journey was a blur to him.
“What’s the world going to think about that, huh?”She tsked.“You still going to have all your little fans when they find out that you killed your brother?”
She was just upset.She was hurting.“Mom—” he said, but she kept going.
“You cut the brakes or something,” she said.“I just know it.I know it.Or you just didn’t take care of that piece of shit.The car was always in bad shape because you never take care of anything!Em was always so responsible.And he shouldn’t have been driving the car anyway.He should have been in his car.But no, he sold his car to buy you that van.And you repaid him by giving him the keys to that death machine.It should have been you who died.”
The words hit him square in the chest, and he was pretty sure he made an actual noise of distress, but everything was a little fuzzy.Remi blinked, once, twice.He pulled the phone away from his ear and stared down at it.
His mother’s voice continued through the speaker at a tinny volume, but all he could hear was the sound of whooshing, like putting his ear next to a seashell.
He didn’t bother to hang up the call.Taking a few steps to the large spurting water fountain, he dropped the device into it.
It splashed, bubbling as it sank.
It should have been you who died.
It really should have.
His world slowed down.His limbs felt heavy, like he was fighting to move through syrup.People sat on benches and played frisbee on the grass and walked down the winding paths.They were all just living their lives.They shouldn’t be able to live their lives.
Didn’t they know Emerson was gone?
Remi shouldn’t be able to live his life with the knowledge that his twin brother was dead.He shouldn’t be able to go on tour and sing and do drugs and party and torment demonesses who took his soul.
It should have been me.
His heart raced, and a pressure built in his head.A pulse of something dark and wicked threatened to tear him open.
“Excuse me?Remi?Remi Golding?I was wondering if I could get a picture with you?I love Tilted Haze,” an older woman asked and thrust her phone out to her friend.She grabbed his arm and cozied up next to him before he could respond.
Remi shook his head and extracted himself from her grip.“No.Sorry, no.Not today.”
“What?Why not?”She put her hands on her hips.
“I can’t.Sorry.Not today.”He tightened the strings of his hoodie over his baseball cap and started to walk away.
“Are you serious?”the woman yelled.“Is this how you treat your fans?You’re a selfish prick!”
Remi spun around.“I’mselfish?My brother is dead, and I should stop everything I’m doing to smile for your photo?You don’t even know me.You don’t like me.You like my music.You like me on stage and in the videos you watch on your phone.You don’t like me.You don’t know me!”
The woman curled her lip.“Yeah, and no one is going to like you when they see what an asshole you really are.”
Remi turned to find her friend filming the entire interaction.He stumbled back a few steps.Multiple cellphone cameras were pointed in his direction.
The reality of it slammed into him, cutting into his soft flesh.Not quite of regret, but loneliness.He was utterly alone.A cold wind whizzed by his ears.The backs of his eyes stung.
Even the people who knew him best, his bandmates, could barely stand him nowadays, and all these people?His fans were salivating at the chance to film his worst moments, the darkest of his days.
