“You did tonight.” My voice broke, and I hated the sound enough to turn back toward the dresser. “You forgot when it mattered. You forgot when everyone in that room stared at me like I had finally pushed him too far. You forgot when he made me the target of every ounce of anger he had stored since I hurt him, like seven months of freezing me out, humiliating me, and making every interaction a punishment never happened.”
Charm’s throat worked. “He has been awful to you.”
“Then why am I the only one being asked to hold my ugliness with both hands and apologize for it?”
I spun around, socks clenched in one fist without any idea why I was still holding them.
“Why does his hurt get an army? Why do the hockey boys get to rally around him like loyalty is a religion while my girls stand in my bedroom and tell me he has a point?”
Bliss’s tears spilled over. “Because we love you, and we don’t want this to destroy you.”
“It already has!”
The words tore out so loudly that both women went still.
For one suspended second, the room turned airless. Then my face crumpled before I could stop it, and everything I had held back came up too quickly to swallow.
“He has destroyed me,” I screamed, the sound scraping my throat raw. “He destroyed me, and I let him because I thought I deserved it. I ate shit for seven months.”
My voice cracked, but I kept going.
“Seven months of walking into rooms and letting him look through me, around me, past me like I was somethingdisgusting he had already thrown away. Seven months of hoping that if he got enough anger out, punished me long enough, and made me take it because I earned the first wound, he would finally hear me.”
Bliss covered her mouth and sobbed.
I wiped at my face with the heel of my hand, smearing mascara across my skin. “I was fine with waiting him out because I told myself the suffering was mine to carry. I texted him multiple times asking for forgiveness and asking to talk. I got one reply, and the rest were left on read.”
Anger tore through me again.
“That motherfucker didn’t want it, so he sure as fuck doesn’t get it now. I told myself I broke him first, so maybe I had to stand there and let him break something back.”
My chest heaved.
“But I am done being the ball he kicks every time he has a feeling.”
Charm moved toward me. “Ay.”
I stepped back so fast my hip struck the dresser. “Do not Ay me right now.”
She stopped.
My chest hurt.
My entire body hurt.
“I wish my best friends, the two people who know exactly why I am the way I am, had the decency to defend me with the same loyalty his boys defend him.” My voice shook, but I kept going because this was the only way I knew how to make them feel the bruise they had put on me first.
“Not the semi-pro Frost player you want to fuck, Charm. Not your fucking fiancé, Bliss. Me. Your girl.”
Charm’s face went white, and Bliss looked like I had slapped her.
I looked at Bliss. “I had your back no matter what when you were coming to terms with how you felt about Cade. I knew you were in love and fighting it tooth and nail, and I let you work your shit out.”
Then I turned on Charm, who lifted one hand like she already knew where I was going and wanted to stop me before I landed the blow.
Her voice came out thin. “Ryan has nothing to do with this.”
“Doesn’t he?” I laughed through the tears still running hot down my face. “You think I don’t see you pulling your punches because part of you wants to protect whichever side of the room he’s standing on?”
