‘Were you happy in Twyford recently? Be honest.’
‘No.’
‘Then what can we do together to make you happy here? How can Nanna and I help you?’
At the sight of fat tears trickling down Maddie’s cheeks, a huge lump formed in my throat and I just wanted to grab her in a bear hug but we had to talk first, painful as it was.
‘I don’t want to feel like this. I don’t want to be so angry and moody but I can’t seem to help myself. I feel really anxious all the time.’
‘What specifically is making you feel anxious?’
Silence.
‘Come on, Maddie. You have to help me help you. Yes, the move caused upheaval and you had your exams before that, but nothing you’ve done since we got here has been stressful. Well, apart from trying to paint the ceiling with Tipp-Ex.’
That drew a small smile.
‘Nanna and I have done our best to give you space and let you ease into your new life here. Can’t you see that? We need your help on the farm but we haven’t pushed it. You’ve decided against going to university but I haven’t pressured you into making any big decisions about what to do instead. I haven’t even asked you to confirm you want a summer job here or pushed you to look for another one. So please help me understand what’s causing you anxiety and we’ll work through it together.’
‘I can’t tell you.’
‘So you know what it is? Look at me, Maddie. You’re saying youdoknow why you’re anxious?’
‘I don’t want to talk about it.’
‘You don’t have a choice.’
‘Leave it, Mum! You can’t help me.’
‘Help you with what?’
‘The thing that’s making me anxious. Everything’s such a mess.’
I pushed down hard on the lump in my throat. It broke my heart seeing my baby girl so distressed and, even worse, bottling it up and not telling me what was going on.
‘Every mess can be tidied up.’
‘Not this one. It’s too late.’
‘What is? You’re scaring me. What’s going on?’
She raised her eyes and her lips trembled as she said in a small voice, ‘I’m pregnant.’
27
Pregnant? My stomach plummeted to the floor and my heart pounded. I hoped at first that I’d misheard but Maddie breaking down sobbing told me I hadn’t. As Clemmie beat a hasty retreat, I shuffled across the bed and wrapped my arms round Maddie, holding her as her body shook, forcing my own tears back because, right now, I needed to be strong.
‘You’re not mad with me?’ Maddie asked, pulling away and grabbing a tissue.
‘I’m relieved you’ve told me. When’s the baby due?’
‘January.’
‘January the what?’
Maddie shrugged.
‘Why don’t you know the exact date? Have you not been to a doctor?’
