Now that I knew a bit more about Caleb, I felt as though we could be good friends. He was clearly older than I’d thoughttoo. If he’d been thirty-five when Fergus died six years ago, that made him forty-one now; just five years younger than me. That felt more comfortable. I tutted to myself. Comfortable for what? That was all Mam’s fault for the mischievous twinkle in her eyes. I was here to start over and fix my family – or unlock and throw off those chains using the analogy from earlier. I wasnothere for romance. But Caleb’s smile was the last thing I saw before I drifted off to sleep.
26
I woke up earlier than usual the following morning, panicking that we’d lost Clemmie. Relief flowed through me at the sight of her curled up at the end of the bed, fast asleep. She seemed to have come through her ordeal relatively unscathed. Her cut wasn’t deep and would heal before long but was the fractured relationship between Maddie and me capable of healing? The anger I felt had dissipated overnight and I was ready to calmly discuss what had happened. I wouldn’t come down hard on her for letting Clemmie out. It hadn’t been deliberate and she’d likely punished herself enough already, but it had been careless and thoughtless and I had to get to the bottom of her behaviour change for all our sakes.
With thoughts swirling round my mind on how best to tackle that conversation, there was no chance of drifting back to sleep so I took Nova and Skye for a walk around the farm before Willow arrived. Light showers were forecast for this afternoon and I could already see the rainclouds forming over the distant Cheviots.
Later that morning, as Mam and I ate breakfast together, I told her what I’d learned from Caleb last night. Like me, she wasdisgusted by the way the Garstangs had treated their daughter, their lackadaisical approach to the business and the way they’d abandoned Scampi.
‘I’ve been thinking about what Caleb said about the lack of staff being a big problem and we don’t want to fall into that trap. We know it could take a while to entice visitors back to the café and the horses but we need to show the ones who do come that we’ve got enough staff to run the place properly or they won’t return.’
‘Fair enough,’ Mam said, nodding. ‘What are you thinking?’
‘Willow mentioned a few days ago that she’s been looking for a summer job. She wanted to assure me she wouldn’t let it interfere with her early shifts here. She hasn’t found anything yet but I’m thinking we should offer her a full-time job here. We know she’s reliable and hard working. She’s confident around the heavies so I can’t imagine she’d be jittery around the cows and… What are you smiling at?’
‘You! You don’t need to sell Willow to me. I think it’s a great idea as long as she’s happy to flex between the café and the animals.’
‘I’m sure she will. I’ll ring her later.’
Maddie didn’t appear so I made her a mug of tea and collected Clemmie from my bedroom. Somehow I managed to balance the cat and mug to knock on Maddie’s door and turn the doorknob. She was already awake, scrolling through something on her phone.
‘I’ve brought you a tea and a visitor,’ I said, placing the mug on her bedside drawers before handing Clemmie over.
Maddie cradled Clemmie like a baby and stroked her tummy.
‘I know you’re angry with me,’ she said, her voice shaky, ‘but I promise you I didn’t do it deliberately. You have to believe me.’
‘I do believe you but we need to talk and you need to be honest with me about what’s going on with you because we can’tcontinue like this. I’ve asked – begged – you to open up and you’ve pushed me away every time. It ends now. I’m not leaving this room until you talk to me.’
‘About what?’
‘Anything.’
When she shrugged, head down, I had to bite my tongue to stop me reeling off a long list of things that I thought she needed to explain starting from her first week in sixth form right through to last night’s disaster. But I knew better than to influence the path the conversation took. Silence was a powerful tool.
‘You really believe me that I didn’t let Clemmie out deliberately?’ she asked eventually.
‘Ireallybelieve you.’
‘Why?’
‘Because I know you and, even though you’ve continuously lashed out at me for the past two years, you’re not someone who’s cruel to animals.’
‘I thought you’d think it was intentional.’
‘Why would I think that?’
‘Because I know I haven’t made the move easy. I wouldn’t talk to you in the car, I haven’t helped on the farm, I screwed up the painting, I’ve upset you and Nanna.’
She looked up at me as though she wanted me to dismiss all those things as being all right but they weren’t. She wasn’t a small child working out the difference between right and wrong. She was nearly eighteen and should have known better.
‘So tell me what’s making you behave that way.’
She hung her head again and several uncomfortable minutes passed. Evidently silence wasn’t going to be effective in this case.
‘I’m worried about you, Maddie. I understand that you didn’t want to move away from the village you’ve lived in all your life and I understand that you’re hurt by what Alfie and Carmen did,but you’re going to have to let go of your anger because this is no way to live your life. Are you happy like this?’
‘No.’
