‘Ginger and Pickle have my vote,’ Mam said, as though tapping into my thought process.
‘Mine too,’ I added.
‘I think I’ll go for Cookie and Mocha instead.’
My stomach sank and I caught Mam’s eye. From the sympathetic look she gave me, I knew I hadn’t been able to hide my disappointment. Why share her favourite names, ask for our approval on them, then choose something different? Maddie had evidently spotted the unspoken communication between Mam and me.
‘It was a joke!’ she cried, her voice far too loud. ‘You two need to lighten up. I’m eating in my room.’
She grabbed her fork and plate and stormed out. I sank back in my chair with a big sigh.
‘I’ll talk to her,’ Mam said.
I shook my head. ‘Not now. Let her calm down a bit first.’
I’d been really looking forward to my curry but now I didn’t have much of an appetite. I glanced at the clock on the microwave. Was it really only half six? Today seemed to have lasted about seventy-two hours so far and I wasn’t sure I could face several more.
‘Would you mind if I heated this up later?’ I asked. ‘I could do with some more air.’
‘That’s fine.’
‘I’m sorry I’ve dragged you into our family drama.’
Mam gave me an encouraging smile. ‘I’m family too and we’ll navigate our way through it together. It’s only the first full day. Give it a week and I’m sure we’ll start to see a difference.’
The dogs had already had a long walk today, racing up and down the tracks while Mam and I toured the farm, so I left them with her. I hoped she was right about things changing within aweek as, after nearly two years of this, I wasn’t sure how much more I could stand.
As soon I left the farmhouse and breathed in the cool early-evening air, I felt much calmer. Being outside had always had that effect on me and made me question now why I’d ever gone down the sports therapist route when farming and animals were in my blood and called to me in this way. But if I hadn’t gone down that route, I wouldn’t have gone to university, I wouldn’t have met Laurie and I wouldn’t have had Maddie. Despite current hostilities, I couldn’t imagine my life without her.
Feeling melancholy, I decided to start with a visit to the pygmy goats who lived in a large stone barn by the farmyard. As soon as I approached their pen, six of the goats bounded over to me. The remaining one was standing on a large wooden reel placed on its end but it jumped down and joined the others the moment I removed the lid from a nearby bucket of feed. I scooped up pellets in both hands and turned to the goats. There was something so soothing about handfeeding animals, their warm tongues lapping up the food from my outstretched flat palm.
‘I’m really sorry I don’t know who’s who,’ I said as I offered out a second helping. ‘Anna told me your names but didn’t provide any photos to identify you. I’ll ask Willow tomorrow if she knows.’
During our viewing, Anna had told us she’d been a huge fan of the glamorous 1980s US drama seriesDallasandDynastyso she’d named the goats after some of the main characters – JR, Bobby, Sue Ellen and Miss Ellie fromDallasand Blake, Krystle and Alexis fromDynasty. Mam, also a fan, had loved those names and we could both imagine them massively appealing to certain generations of visitors.
When it became apparent I wasn’t going to give them any more food, the goats lost interest in me and went back toplaying. I leaned on the railings and watched their antics for a while, revelling in how calm I felt in their presence. Pygmy goats were far too active for the type of animal-based therapy I usually undertook but they still had a powerful role to play as joy-bringers.
I left the goats and headed to Big Field to see the female heavy horses. Gladys was grazing at the top of the pasture and joined me at the gate. The liver tail and mane contrasting against her gleaming red-gold coat made for such a striking appearance.
‘Hello, Gladys. Beautiful, aren’t you?’ As I stroked her neck, I relaxed further.
Duchess came over to join us and nuzzled against Gladys before stretching out her neck in my direction for a scratch. Willow had told me this morning that Gladys had been timid and uncertain when she arrived but Duchess had assumed the role of protector. I loved seeing the bonds animals had with each other and it always made me think about the friendship group that had always meant the world to me – the group of six from university.
As Duchess tossed her head and walked away with Gladys following her, my phone rang with a FaceTime request from Jude.
‘I was just thinking about you,’ I said.
She smiled at me. ‘Twin telepathy at work again.’
It was an in-joke since our university days. Jude and I had had such a similar way of thinking that we’d frequently finished each other’s sentences, leading our friend Adrian to affectionately refer to us asthe twinnies, convinced we had twin telepathy. The similarity didn’t stop there either. From behind, we were often mistaken for each other as we were the same height and build – great for sharing clothes over the years – and we both had long reddish-brown hair, although Jude’s was wavy and mine was curly. Once we turned round, there was no resemblance at all. I had brown eyes, a square jaw, strongcheekbones and freckles whereas Jude had blue eyes, a heart-shaped face and was freckle-free.
‘I was thinking about the six of us on the way home yesterday,’ I told Jude. ‘I cried when I spotted Towers, thinking about how much has changed over the years.’
In a flat landscape with hardly any high-rise buildings, the halls of residence where Laurie, Jude, Adrian, Erica, Ned and I had met could be clearly seen from the motorway when travelling north.
‘Hasn’t it just?’ Jude said. ‘I remember how worried you were that we’d lose touch after we graduated, but the friendship stayed as strong as ever for a long time.’
‘Except now it’s just you, me and Ned.’
