“Rowan, look at me.”His hands tightened, holding me in place, and for some reason, that’s what did it. That’s what broke whatever was left. I don’t remember breaking down crying, I just did. It tore out of me like something had been sitting there for too long and finally found a way out, and I couldn’t stop it even if I wanted to, which I didn’t, I think I didn’t, I don’t know… I just, couldn’t fucking stop.
“I can’t,”I choked out, gripping onto him without realizing it.
“I can’t, I can’t think, I can’t, it doesn’t make sense, nothing makes sense.”
“I know,”he murmured immediately.“I know. I’ve got you.”
His arms wrapped around me, like he was the only solid thing left in the world.“Just breathe,”he said, quieter now, closer to my ear.
“Slow. You’re okay.”
I wasn’t. I wasn’t even close. But I tried. Because he told me to. Because his voice cut through everything else.
“Good,”he murmured when my breathing stuttered into something less broken. His hand moved up to the back of my neck, grounding me there. It took too long, or not long enough. I don’t know. Time didn’t, it didn’t matter. Nothing did. Just him. Just the way he held me together when I couldn’t do it myself.“You’ll feel better when this is over.”His voice was softer now, almost careful. Like he didn’t want to push too hard.
“When what’s over?”I asked eventually, my voice rough, scraped raw from everything that had just come out of me.
“All of it.”
Simple, like it wasn’t even a question. I should have argued, I should have pushed back, I should have told him to shut the fuck up and stop deciding things for me. But I didn’t. Because I couldn’t do this anymore. Not like this. Not with everything slipping through my hands every time I tried to hold onto it.
“If it stops this,”I said, my grip tightening slightly in his shirt without meaning to,“then I’ll do it.”His hand stilled for a second, then resumed. Almost… satisfied.
“I know,”he said softly.
“The forest,”I started, pulling back, shaking my head like I could clear it, but it didn’t help.
“It’s… It’s making it worse. I can’t, I can’t stay here.”That part was clear. I needed out.“I need somewhere else,”I continued,more desperate now.“Anywhere else. I don’t care where, just not… not here.”
He watched me, really watched me, and then… He nodded.
“I’ll fix it.”
Those three words shouldn’t have meant anything. But they did, they always did.
“I’ll find somewhere else,”he continued, like he already had a plan I didn’t know about yet.
“You won’t have to stay here much longer.”Relief hit me hard. His hand came up again, this time to my jaw.
“You trust me, don’t you?”
It wasn’t a question, not really. I swallowed, didn’t answer.
“I’m the only one who’s stayed,”he said.
“The only one who didn’t walk away when things got difficult. I’m the only one who actually sees you,”he added, his gaze locking onto mine in a way that made it hard to look anywhere else.
“And I didn’t run.”He let it hang between us.
“You won’t find that again, Rowan. Never.”It hit me in a way I couldn’t ignore.“I’ll take care of it,”he said again. And this time, I believed him.
Tell me something, little Ghost. If the only thing keeping you together is the same thing pulling you apart, do you let go? Or do you hold on tighter? Careful how you answer that. You’re starting to sound like me.
The Reckoning
Chapter 25
The engine had been running long enough that I stopped hearing it properly. It sank into the background the same way everything else had started to, like my brain just… gave up on filtering things properly, so instead of sounds coming and going, they just stayed.
