It happened naturally. Like some older brother I never wanted, never expected to have, and then suddenly did anyway. My whole life had taught me not to trust other people, especially not the ones I was supposed to admire or feel safe around. People like that always ended up disappointing you eventually. But maybe that was what felt different about Zwierek.
He never asked anything from me. Never expected anything either. He was just there, and somehow he let me be there too, existing beside him without having to explain myself or turn into something else to earn it.
When you grow up the way I did, you learn to trust your instincts because most of the time they’re the only thing keeping you alive. And every instinct I had told me Zwierek was someone I could trust, so I never questioned it.
To this day, I still can’t explain why, but I came to see him as someone I could follow, a kind of chosen older brother. He quickly became the only person I felt I could trust, and the only one I had ever truly looked up to. I was always right behind him. Close enough that the space between us didn’t feel like distance anymore.
He stopped eventually. Turned just enough that I could see his face fully. There was something different about him that day. Like something had clicked into place.
“You get it now.”He stepped closer, not invading, just removing what little space had been left.
“That’s all it takes… understanding.”
Simple, like it was nothing. Like it had always been nothing. On the way back, the forest felt different. Same trees, same ground,same path. But something had shifted in the way I moved through it. In the way I looked at things, how I placed them. And as the house came back into view, unchanged from the outside, I understood something.
That this, whatever it was, wasn’t something staying contained out there. It wasn’t limited to those walls; it was already moving. And once something like that starts, it doesn’t stop. Not on its own.
The Yearning
Chapter 12
I don’t wanna rush this part, that would ruin it. You don’t take something delicate and force it open; you have to let it unfold. Watch how it reacts when you give it just enough attention. Just enough pressure. You can feel it pulling at you, can’t you, little Ghost?
If you were sitting in front of me right now, I wouldn’t start with words. I’d watch you first. Take my time with it. The way your eyes move when you’re trying not to give too much away. The way your breathing changes when something lands a little deeper than you expected.
You might think you’re subtle, but you’re not.
Not tome.
You have this… way of taking things in. Like you don’t want to miss anything. Like you already understand that what’s happening here isn’t something you get to experience twice. That’s where it starts. Not with me, but with you. Because you don’t pull back, but you should. Anyone with sense would. You sit there and let it get closer. Letmeget closer. And that, that’s where it becomes a problem.
Do you know what that does to someone like me?
The kind of attention you give me?
It doesn’t scare me, it doesn’t make me hesitate. It makes me curious,youmake me curious. And I don’t let curiosity go once it has my focus. I study it. Hunt it. I take it apart piece by piece until I understand exactly what makes it react.
You’re not careful in the ways that matter. You think you are, though.
You think because you’re quiet, because you don’t interrupt, because you don’tsayanything, that you’re in control of howmuch you’re giving away. But you’re not. You give everything away in the way your eyes slide over every word. In the way you let this continue. In the way you don’t stop me. And I don’t stop myself either.
I’ve started to notice how easy it is to hold your attention. How little it takes to keep you right where I want you. A word placed exactly where it needs to be. A pause that lasts just long enough. The right shift in tone and you follow it, every single time, like a good fucking girl is supposed to.
There it is. That reaction.
I pay attention to things like that. Especially when they come from you.
You affect me more than you should. That’s the part I didn’t expect. Not the attention, and not the way you follow either. That, anyone can do. It’s what you dowith it.The way you take it in like it belongs to you. Like I’m something you get to hold onto without asking. But that’s where you’re wrong, little Ghost.
I’m the one who decides how close you’re allowed. And right now, you’re closer than you should be. Much closer. I know you’re feeling it. The warm, intoxicating feeling brewing low in your stomach.
Don’t worry, baby girl, I do too. Because the more attention you give me, the more I start to notice things I shouldn’t. The way your focus shifts when something lands exactly where it’s supposed to be. The way you let me keep going. Like you’re waiting for it. Like youwantme to push it further.
You’re craving it, aren’t you, little Ghost?
You should be careful with that. Because that kind of need, that kind of curiosity, it doesn’t end where you think it does. I wasn’t supposed to want anything from you. That’s the structure, that’s how this works.
You listen, I speak. That’s it.
