“What airlines fly to Hong Kong?” she asked aloud. “Pan Am? I’ll call the travel agent right now.”
Part IV
The Song
A bracelet coiled the lady’s wrist, its links purling into a yellow river. The star-faced mother wore it and passed it on to her daughter, who was unaware of its bones.
Hong Kong Island
1980
Chapter Fifty-Four
Helen
As soon as Marigold fell asleep in the hotel, I hurried to the toilet and threw up.
I didn’t have much time left. The attacks beset me daily, at any hour, without warning. Even in my sleep I could turn invisible, and it had long stopped mattering whether or not I was holding my breath. By the time Marigold and I had boarded the plane for Hong Kong, my body was as buoyant as a kite without a string. Cut me open, and there’d be air instead of blood.
I wiped the bile from my mouth and stumbled out of the bathroom, clinging to the walls for support.
What had I been thinking, agreeing to come back here—halfway across the world, thousands of miles away from home? I hardly recognized this wired and alien city scraping the sky outside my window. During the eight long years I’d grown up in Hong Kong, it’d been a sensation to see a building more than ten stories tall. Now? Were there anyunderten stories tall? Neon-lit billboards plastered their walls, advertising Adidas and McDonald’s and, unthinkably, even Japanese brands like Sony and Nikon.
Yet, the energy was the same. Nearly midnight, and red taxis puttered up and down the road, vendors still selling sliced melons, and umbrellas still poking each other as they popped open against a sudden shower. When I pressed my forehead to the windowpane, I caught the vibrations of someone bowing an erhu.The melody was “Night over the Suzhou River,” a tune that I had once loved and since forgotten. Listening to it, my ear rang with an old phantom ache, but I didn’t pull away. I listened until rain washed out each plaintive note, until the threads of music tangled with the din outside. Then, in my head, I played the song to its very end. And as a trace of the familiar glittering cold eased my pain, I whispered out into the city where the ghosts of my past lay buried:
“Shadow. Shadow, are you still waiting for me? I’ve come to get you.”
It was why I’d ultimately decided to come. Why I hadn’t fought after Marigold had insisted on buying plane tickets. I only wished she hadn’t insisted on joining.
Let her, Mama had urged. In her dark eyes, I could guess what she’d foreseen.Maybe she can help.
I knew Marigold wanted to help. I also knew that if I failed—if I disappeared for good—she would blame herself. Bad enough she’d inherited my demons, I couldn’t bequeath her my burdens, too.
I fell into bed, wrapping myself in the cool, unfamiliar sheets. My daughter had turned on the heat, but still I shivered. Nothing could chase the wind out of my bones.
I closed my eyes, praying I’d still be here in the morning.
I woke to a shout in my ear.
It was Marigold, panicked. “Mom!” She removed a slender glass thermometer from under my tongue. “Your temperature is ninety degrees!”
“That meant nothing to me. “What time is it?”
“Who cares what time it is? You need to go to the hospital.”
I sat up. “It’s past ten o’clock! We can’t be late for lunch, Sui Chan said the yum cha parlors get crowded early—”
“Will you stop it? Stop pretending there isn’t anything wrong. I saw you on the plane—you were disappearing. And now—”
“Now what?” I snapped. “So what you saw me disappear? You’ve seen it happen before. What’s different now?”
“What’s different now? Your body’s starting to fail. Your temperature’s too low, your skin’s turning blue, and you can hardly stand without needing to lean against the wall. I didn’t say anything before, because I didn’t think...”
Marigold couldn’t say it, but I already knew.I didn’t think it’d kill you.
I was shaken. I desperately wanted to brush my teeth and put on some lipstick, to salvage some semblance of normalcy to the morning. But when I tried to stand, my knees buckled.
“You think any doctors can treat what I have?” I said. “I’ve done the tests, I’ve seen the specialists. They can’t find anything wrong.”
