“Every night?” Elliot asks with scientific curiosity.
“Not every night. Sometimes I fall asleep before...” I trail off, realizing I’m only making this worse.
“Before what?”
“Before the cold shower becomes necessary.”
“Oh my god,” Elliot says again. “You’re in love with her voice.”
“I’m not in love with her voice. I’m... attracted to her voice. There’s a difference.”
“What’s the difference?”
“Love would be emotional. This is just...” I gesture vaguely. “Physical.”
“You’re getting off to audiobooks,” Brody manages to say between gasps. “This is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“I’m not getting off to them,” I protest. “I’m just... affected by them.”
“Affected how?”
“Do we really need to discuss the details?”
“Yes,” they say in unison.
I put my head in my hands. “I hate you both.”
“Come on,” Elliot coaxes. “We’re trying to help.”
“This is helping?”
“Information is power,” she says sagely. “The more I know about your pathetic situation, the better I can fix it.”
“There’s nothing to fix. I’m a grown man who bought romance novels to listen to a woman’s voice. That’s the situation.”
“And?” Brody prompts, finally sitting up.
“And I probably need therapy.”
“You need to ask her out,” Elliot corrects. “Again. Properly this time.”
“She said no to coffee, dinner, and breakfast. What else is there?”
“Maybe something that doesn’t involve food,” Brody suggests. “Something that shows you actually know her as a person.”
“I don’t know her as a person. That’s the problem.”
“Then get to know her,” Elliot says with the patience of someone explaining basic concepts to a toddler. “Have actual conversations. Show interest in her life, her work, her kids.”
“I do show interest in her kids. I coach her kid.”
“Right, but what about her? When’s the last time you asked her about something that wasn’t hockey-related?”
I think about it. Really think about it.
“I don’t know.”
“Exactly.” Elliot leans back with satisfaction. “You’ve been so focused on getting her to say yes to a date that you never bothered to learn who she actually is.”
