“No!” I snap. “No, Miles. What the hell were you thinking?”
My hands move to my hair, gripping at the roots as I start pacing around the room. My thoughts are moving too fast, my body trying to figure out whether I should fight or run. I don’t know what to do anymore.
Should I leave? Could I even leave?
I just got here a few months ago. I barely managed to rebuild my life after everything. I can’t afford to start over again. I can’t run forever.
“Maddie, will you please just listen to me?” His voice softens. “Can we just talk about this?”
Before I can answer, his hands gently wrap around my forearms, stopping my pacing.
I freeze.
He looks down at me, and for a second, I can’t look away. I wonder what he sees when he looks at me. Does he still see the girl he kissed? Does he still see someone worth fighting for? Or does he just see a murderer?
His stare feels intense, like he’s looking straight through every wall I’ve built. Like he can see every scar I’ve spent years hiding. But there’s no disgust in his eyes. No fear or hatred, only worry.
“I think you should leave, Miles.”
I see the way his expression falls, the way his entire body stills like he wasn’t expecting me to actually say it.
And I want to take it back. God, I want to take it back. I want to pull him closer. I want to apologize. I want to tell him everything. But I can’t, because I’m barely holding myself together. How am I supposed to put someone else back together when I’ve been shattered from the beginning?
“Madelyn—”
“Don’t.” My voice cracks, and I hate myself for it.
“Please. Just go, Miles.” I look away because I can’t handle seeing the hurt on his face. “Don’t make this harder for yourself.”
17.Miles
“Don’t makethis harder for yourself.”
That’s what she said. Formyself. As if this isn’t fucking hurting her, too. I know it is. I can see it in every part of her that she’s trying to hide from me. The way her shoulders are tense, the way her fingers keep twisting together like she’s trying to hold herself steady, the way those tears are gathering in her eyes but she refuses to let them fall.
Those eyes. Those fucking copper eyes that pulled me in from the moment I looked into them
I still remember the first time I saw her. How I couldn't look away. How something about her felt different before I even knew her name.
And now she’s standing in front of me telling me to leave. She can keep telling herself this isn't hurting her, that walking away is easier. But I know she’s lying and hurting just as much as I am.
“Why won’t you just let me talk to you about this?” My voice comes out rougher than I expected, emotion laced in every word. “Why do you keep shutting me out?”
For a moment, she doesn’t answer, looking everywhere except at me. Like if she avoids looking at me long enough, maybe she won't have to see how badly this is affecting me.
I watch the thoughts move across her expression as she turns my question over in her head. I know Maddie and the way she gets quiet when she’s fighting her own mind. The way she tries to find the safest answer instead of the honest one.
Finally she looks back at me.
“Because, Miles, what you did wasn’t right. I was keeping secrets for a reason, and you decided that wasn’t good enough for you. I need you to go. Please delete my number. Don’t come here again.”
“Maddie, pleas?—”
“No.”
Before I can find the right words, before I can explain that I wasn’t trying to hurt her, she steps forward and places her hands against my chest. Not violently or with anger, which makes this so much fucking worse. She’s pushing me away because she thinks she has to. I stumble back with every step she takes, and then the door is closing, and all I see is her back as she walks away.
For a second, all I see is everything I’m about to lose. Her. Us. The only person who has ever made me feel like I wasn’t a complete fuck up.
