“I should be okay, though,” he says, sounding frustrated. He looks as if he wants to say more, but pulls his hand away, shakes his head, and steps toward the bathroom.
“What does that mean?” I ask.
He disappears into the bathroom but doesn’t close the door.
I follow.
“Aliko, what does that mean?” I repeat.
He whirls to face me. “It means I have everything I wanted, and yet I’m still not happy.”
“Fame is never what people think it is,” I say, the words coming to me automatically.
Because they’re true. You hear it all the time.
He scoffs. “I’m not talking about fame, Leif.”
“Well, it goes for anything.”
He makes another sound in his throat, letting me know that he doesn’t believe me.
“Look, I know life was very different for you under the ocean, but up here, disappointment is something we deal with all the time.”
“Disappointment?”
“Yes. That’s what you’re feeling, right? Like you have everything you want but it’s not good enough? It’s not filling the holes that you expected it to? The physical stuff never does.” I move closer to him, taking his hand again. “When you feellike that, usually there is something more going on. Something deeper.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re trying to fill holes with things that they can’t be filled with.”
“Then how do I fix it?”
“You need to heal yourself. Inside. What made you want these things in the first place? Think back. All the way to the beginning. What started all of this?” I hold my hand up when he opens his mouth to speak. “You don’t have to tell me. You can if you want to, but you don’thaveto.”
He sighs, his shoulders loosening. “I’ve always felt like I didn’t fit in.”
Something in my chest settles. Relief, maybe. Because that’s something we can work on. That is something I can help him with, and something he can fix, if he tries.
I give him a soft smile. “I know exactly what that feels like.”
“But you… you’re always so… you have friends, and you do your job, and you’re happy, and—”
“That doesn’t mean I’m not feeling those things inside. I had no idea you were feeling that way until tonight, until you let it out via Radiohead lyrics.”
“I’ve always felt that song in my chest.”
I step closer to him. “So have I.” Aliko watches me carefully. “You need to talk to someone. Let them know how you’re feeling. Work out ways to fix this. I promise, you will get better.”
“I want to talk to you.”
“I’m not a therapist.”
“I don’t care.” He steps forward, taking me into his arms. “You, Leif, are the one I want to talk to. As long as… it’s not too much.”
I squeeze my hands up between us, resting them against his chest. “You’re never too much.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
