“As I’ll ever be,” he agreed.
I held out my hand, taking in a deep breath. “I know you can’t forgive yourself for what happened to your wife,” I began, feeling my eyes tearing up. “So, I’ll forgive you instead.” I then raised my hand, hoping it would work. With his guard down, he trusted me, which meant I could bring him into the light. Or at leastI hopedI could. A slow smile spread across his face as he began uttering a single word.
“Marianne.”
And then, Jørgen was gone.
A sob escaped me as I fell to the floor. I’d lied. I’d betrayed his trust. But I couldn’t banish a good soul like Jørgen. He deserved to finally be at peace. He’d punished himself enough for one lifetime, and there was no reason to continue that in the afterlife as well.
“You didn’t banish him,” Dylan stated. “I saw your hand move upwards.”
I nodded into his neck, letting the scent of my anchor ground me. “I lied to him.”
I felt him nod against me, then a soft kiss was pressed to my temple. “I’m proud of you.”
Moving out of his hold, I looked at him. “You are?”
He nodded. “From what you told me, he seemed to refuse to see reason. He couldn’t have predicted what would happen to his wife, yet he took all the blame, spending his life in misery instead of living.” He sighed, then hugged me closer. “He deserved to find peace after all those years in misery.”
That just started my tears all over again and I let myself be held for a few more minutes, allowing the emotions to run through me.
“You keep surprising me,” Dylan whispered after many minutes of silence. “Please don’t punish yourself for lying, sweetheart. We both knew he’d told himself he didn’t deserve to finally be at peace. But there’s no reason for you to feel guilty for helping him, even if you had to lie to do it.”
I swallowed before admitting, “I had no idea if it would work or not. He’d said that he could always see the light, which meant he was ready to pass through it, he just didn’t want to. Had my attempt failed, then I’d decided that I would banish him.” I choked out a sob with that admission. “I was prepared to banish him, knowing I would hate every second of it. And we both know he didn’t deserve being banished. I think it would haunt me forever, but I had to take the chance.”
“Gods, Mike,” Dylan breathed, squeezing me even tighter. “Was that the reason you didn’t tell me your plan? You didn’t want me to feel guilty if things went bad?”
I gave a mix between a shake of my head and a nod. “I didn’t want you to talk me out of it. And I selfishly needed you by my side to comfort me after, because no matter the outcome, I would feel like I do now.”
“And how do you feel?”
“Like I need all your hugs,” I whispered, leaning further into his embrace on the floor. He always smelled like home and safety. My Dylan.
“They’re all yours,” he chuckled warmly. “But perhaps some hot cocoa in front of the fire would do us both some good? Then we can snuggle on the couch and watch a movie after?”
“That sounds perfect,” I smiled, letting him lead me to the couch. I would allow myself to work through my emotions today, and come tomorrow, I would enjoy this vacation with my boyfriend.
A mix of cold and pain exploded on my face as I spluttered indignantly. “You bastard!” I roared, hurrying to form the snow besideme into a snowball. I threw it at Dylan, hearing his resounding cackle of laughter as he used a tree for cover. “Coward!”
“At least I got a perfect hit in!” he yelled from his hiding place.
“I wasn’t expecting a fight!” I yelled back, stomping my foot. Dylan and I had only one day left before we flew home and apparently, that meant a snowball fight was in order. Why was I even surprised?
“People rarely expect a fight, Mike,” he informed me, his tone all wise but I heard the teasing tone behind it.
I glared at the tree where his red jacket poked out at the left. “You’re treating me to thegoodcocoa after this!”
“Then let me get one more hit in!” he pleaded.
“What?! You think I wouldletyou hit me?”
“Please?” he begged, and I knew he was pouting behind that damn tree.
“No!”
“But it would make me so happy!”
“No!” I had no desire to experience that again, and I’d yet to hit him. There was no way I would allow him another chance at my face.
