Tim put his brush down and gave me his full attention.
“Cool, what did he say?”
I sat up straight and prepared to read the email out loud to him.
“It says…”
Mr. and Mrs. Thompson, thank you again for trusting me to support you as you navigate such a delicate and personaltopic. After reviewing my notes from your session, I’ve outlined a week of structured reflection exercises designed to help you gain clarity around how, or if, you will move forward, while keeping the health of your marriage as the focal point.
Please approach each exercise with curiosity rather than judgment. These are not meant to push you toward a particular outcome, but to help you better understand yourselves and one another.
Wednesday: Assurance- You all have had a previous solo encounter. Use this first night to reaffirm to your partner that what you are receiving from the encounters has nothing to do with what the other lacks. For this exercise, each of you should share: One aspect of the encounter that was uncomfortable or emotionally challenging, and one thing you missed about your spouse.
Thursday: Rewriting Boundaries- During your first session, you all discussed a list of non-negotiable boundaries. Discuss whether the boundaries were protective or restrictive and whether they are still necessary. Also, feel free to discuss any new boundaries that may arise.
Friday: Fears and Curiosity - Openly and honestly discuss your two biggest fears about why you are hesitant about having another outside encounter. Also, discuss what feels meaningful or exciting about the possibility of continuing.
Saturday: Discovery- This exercise is intended to reduce blame or defensiveness. Discuss what the encounter revealed about yourself as a person and about your sexual needs and desires. This is self-awareness, not a critique of your partner.
Sunday: Reset- There will be no verbal processing today. But the work does not stop. Instead, spend intentional, quiet time together doing a shared activity. Do not discuss exercises or the arrangement. (e.g., take a shower, watch a movie, or bake a cake)
Monday: Looking Ahead- Discuss two possible futures. If you agree to continue the encounters, how do you envision your marriage looking in two years? If you say no, what does intimacy look like? And will there be any resentment? Speak openly and candidly about this. Do not hold back.
Tuesday: Transparency- Individually write down the answer to these three questions:
Why am I choosing this marriage today? What am I willing to sacrifice to keep this marriage intact? What do I need from my spouse going forward?
Please seal your responses and bring them to our session on Wednesday. These should not be shared prior to the session. For the third question, each of you must provide an answer. No matter how small. Having needs does not imply failure or guilt.
As always, if concerns or strong emotions arise during the week, please make note of them so we can address them together in the session.
Warm Regards,
Dr. Q. Long, LMFT
By the time I finished reading the email and looked up at Tim, he had the same expression on his face that I felt inside.Damn.Quentin was digging deep, and I felt like a lot of these would be some uncomfortable conversations, but ones we would have to have.
“I don’t know if date night is the place to start, but we definitely have homework for tonight,” I laughed as I shook my head, feeling a little overwhelmed already.
“It’s cool, baby, at least he started out easy. What was the question again?” He reassured me, laughing.
I unlocked the phone again and read tonight’s exercise back to him.
“I’ll answer that. One thing that was uncomfortable for me was kissing and being affectionate. What I missed about youwas really just comfort. Shit felt like a new performance.” He shrugged, then finally picked up his brush to continue painting.
I started to paint again, and I exhaled.
“I underestimated how uncomfortable it would be at first. But that happened. I almost felt guilty about it. So being touched by someone else other than you felt foreign. And what I missed about you was the emotional connection, not just physical attraction.”
I relaxed as I said it. Half the reason why I agreed not to talk about the fantasies and our arrangement was that it’s so awkward discuss what another man has done to my body with my husband. But I guess if we were going to be open, we had to commit to it 100%.
Tim didn’t say anything, just abandoned his work and came over to me and slid me between his legs as I continued to paint. He was always so patient with me. Always knowing what I need in the moments when I didn’t say it. I love that so bad. I melted into his arms as he rocked me from side to side.
“This is really going to be a long week,” I said barely above a whisper.
“No, it’s not, baby. I told you, it’s whatever you want, B.” He responded.
My body tensed before I registered what was happening. This was the last thing that I needed tonight. For Tim to call me what Quentin calls me. I had always been Breeze, baby, ma, but never B. I closed my eyes and tried to regain my composure. After a mere twenty-four hours, Quentin had found himself lingering on my skin, and I didn’t like it one bit. Tonight, I was going to focus on my husband, but in a week’s time, I’d be left to decide whether he would be embedded there.
