“I like what I see so far,” Blake offers, hopeful. “And hell, if we try and fail, then we’re both in hot water together. I don’t wanna be unclear — Pax, part of me wants to follow the rules. But I also want to fuck you. Like, six ways ’til Sunday and every way I know how to do it. Maybe figure out some new ways. How I figure it, worst comes to worst, we walk off this beach broke and with a bunch of really angry co-stars gunning for our heads. So if you want to have sex, Pax, I’m up for it. I just don’t want to fuck up whatever self-rehab you have going for you.”
Throwing his head back, Paxton laughs loudly, a ridiculously contagious sound that makes Blake want to coax out another, and another. Blake can’t help but chuckle around a breath before clearing his throat and speaking again. “When I say I wanna break the rules with you, kiss you, do whatever else you wanna do — you know, I’m just talking, Pax. Like you said, there’s no pressure.”
When Paxton gets his giggles under control, he leans in and touches Blake’s face. “From where I’m sitting, it seems very obvious that you’re worth the risk.”
They’re so damn close, and Blake wasn’t lying when he said hewantsPax, wants him badly. He feels his body stirring to life, feels his lips almost tingling with the desire to press against Pax’s again. It’s worse than not knowing, because theydidget to make out and Blakeknowshow good Pax feels. Knows what a freaking awesome kisser he is, knows how the spark that’s between them goes haywire and turns into full-blown fireworks when they touch.
“Fuck,” he says softly,almostable to feel the way Pax’s breath hitches in his chest, less than an arm’s length away. “How expensive could a kiss be?”
“Almost certainly not enough to deter me,” Paxton replies, nearly against Blake’s lips. “You?”
“Never been much for money,” Blake manages, before closing the space between them, nearly falling into Paxton as he captures his plush mouth. Maybe it’s because it’s forbidden, or maybe it has something to do with their little share and care session, but this kiss is even better than their make-out moment the night before. And Blake is stone-cold sober; he knows this indiscretion is unlikely to lead to more andstill,he’d stick it firmly in his top ten kisses ever.
They get their damn money’s worth out of it. Pax is gentle but demanding, licking into Blake’s mouth and coaxing him to respond in kind. He caresses Blake’s face, undulating hisbody against Blake’s chest. Before Blake even realizes what’s happening, Pax has him on his back in the sand.
But it’s Pax that pulls away, too. He kisses Blake softly a few times and then draws back, dragging his thumb reluctantly over Blake’s lip as he goes. “Just so you know, this is essentially unprecedented,” Paxton says, like Blake’s not hard in his pants and ready to go wherever the fuck Pax wants to take them.Why are they stopping?“At the risk of making a fool of myself, I think I want to try and follow the rules. Not for any… sex addict reasons, but for you.”
“Me?” Blake echoes, still a little hazy and now with sand in his hair and blue balls in his pants.
“You did say—” Paxton’s face drops, and he looks somewhat alarmed, like he thinks he’s misread the signals andshit,Blake is being a dick again.
“No, right,” he says hastily, sitting up and scooting close to Pax again so that their thighs are touching. “You’re right. And I want to, too. But, um…” Blake looks down and not-so-discretely rearranges what’s in his shorts. “We’re gonna need some way to burn this energy off so we don’t lose our minds.” Blake grins as he looks up, pulling his t-shirt over his head before grabbing Paxton’s hand again and yanking him to his feet. “Race you to the buoys,” he yells, nodding towards the ocean before taking off and running headlong into the Gulf with glee.
What follows is the best workout of Blake’s life. Although, thatiscoming from someone who considers having to walk tothe liquor store three blocks over because he’s out and already drunk as exercising, but still. He and Paxton chase each other through the water, racing and cheating by pulling the other under by their legs. Blake even climbs onto Paxton’s back and hitches a ride at one point. They splash and laugh and play the stupidest game of Marco Polo until Blake’s muscles burn, he’s breathing hard, and he can barely keep his head above the gentle waves.
It’sfun,and that might be the most surprising thing of all. It’s been a damn long time since Blake’s just hadfun.
By the time they stagger their way out of the water, rinse off, change, and find their cast-mates lounging around the pool and in the kitchen, both the day and filming are well underway. Blake pulls Rachel aside and asks what the plans are for the afternoon, if there are any more “surprises” coming. At least according to her (however much she can be trusted — Blake’s guess? Exactly zero), this is it. No plans, nothing on the “official” schedule. Their instructions are to hang out, talk to their cast-mates, get to know each other. Don’t kiss, don’t have sex.
Well, two outta three ain’t bad.
Of course, Rachel has to make Blake regret engaging with her at all when he tries to make his escape (after first grabbing a breakfast sandwich from the picked-over tray someone laid out). “Not so fast,” she says, fingers closing around his wrist in a way that leaves Blake chasing his own hand to get the food into his mouth.That’sattractive.
Undaunted by Blake’s lack of table manners and his determined efforts to get theentiresandwich in his mouth in less than three bites, Rachel drags him towards the confessional. “Spill about your little beach date with the hot-mess express,” she demands, holding back the curtain pointedly.
“Don’t talk about him like that,” Blake protests, though because of the sandwich, it comes out more garbled nonsense and sprayed food than the gallant defense he was going for.
Rachel makes a face and thumbs chewed croissant from her cheek while Blake grins in triumph. “It’s truly shocking you ‘don’t do’ relationships,” she deadpans, sizing him up with obvious distaste. “The boys and girls must be lining up and down the street for a taste of that.”
Flipping her the bird, Blake ducks behind the curtain and yanks it closed after him. He takes a moment to chew and swallow and tries not to take Rachel’s dig personally, but really, she isn’t wrong. He sucks, he’s nobody’s first choice for a boyfriend, why would he be? What does he even have toofferany takers besides a mix of both daddyandmommy issues, a lackluster savings account, and shitty table manners?
Sarcasm.Blake has that going for him, and don’t you forget it.
“Make sure you talk about why you decided to stay,” Rachel calls through the curtain, and Blake rolls his eyes.
“Make sure you take the stick out of your ass,” he mumbles under his breath, wiping his greasy mouth on the hem of his t-shirt before clearing his throat and turning to face the camera more fully. He opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.Bullshit, just spew some bullshit,Blake tells himself, but he’s coming up empty onwhat,exactly, that should be.
He scratches the back of his neck. “Alright,” he says, suddenly having another idea. What if he treats this thing like a real confessional? Pretend there’s a priest on the other side? Nothing embarrassing, of course, but… maybe if he gives the crew something usable, the producers will leave him alone. “Okay. So… what if I said, I’m thinking I might not want to be alone anymore? That I’m not…readyto pack it in on finding someone to share my life with.”
He pauses, licks his lips and thinks carefully about what he wants to say next. He sits loosely, arms on his thighs, turning his palms up. Jess once told him that open body language goes a long way towards making you seem convincing and honest, especially on camera. Some shit she picked up in an acting class. Blake takes a deep breath, and tries. “The life I live, the work I do, I pretty much just figured that that was all there was to me, you know? Sleep around and hook up and haul ass ’til I ran out of gas. I guess I just thought, sooner or later, I'd go out the same way that I lived; fast, rough, alone. But now, um.” Blake pauses again, looks down at his shoes, jiggles his knee, and shakes his head. “Recent events, uh, made me think I might be closer to that then I really thought. And I don't know, I just—” He sighs in frustration. “I’m late, you know? Late to my own party, or something. All I know is that what I’m doing doesn’t feel like it’s working anymore. It’s crazy, all these new feelings that I never… but Iwantthose feelings. To experience them, or maybeexperience life, and certain people that I meet, differently than I have before. I’m thinking maybe it’s time for a change."
He looks up, straight into the camera and says, “So I guess I’m gonna see what happens. Try to go a little deeper, no pun intended this time. I’m just — I’m starting to realize there's more to it all than I thought. Yeah.”
The curtain rustles and Rachel sticks her head in, looking like she just won the lottery. “Holy fuck, Lawrence,” she says. “A-plus stuff, that was fuckin’ brilliant. C’mon, I’ll get you a beer, you deserve it.” She disappears again and Blake blinks, somewhat thrown at the revelation that anyone was listening in on his little moment. He throws a last look at the camera before gathering himself, plastering on a smile, and following her out. A beer sounds damn good right about now.
_____________________
Brew in hand, Blake goes in search of Pax. He’s mysteriously disappeared from the group while Blake was busy being bullied into acting emotionally vulnerable with a camera lens, and is in none of the expected places. Not the bedroom, the bathroom, or the kitchen. Not in the ocean or down by the dock. Not making a fool of himself in the confessional.
