God, I didn’t know how to say no to that. Even if the thought of moving into that house terrified me because I knew it would come with baggage. With memories in the walls that would haunt me. Whispers of a former life. Thebestlife.
This was what Sully had wanted, though.
This was what he had talked about: raising his kids where he’d grown up.
Of course, that was before. In a different universe and a different life. For all I knew, he might not want anything to do with me or our child. Maybe he’d want me to leave. Maybe he’d resent me. Maybe he’d hate the thought of me living there. Maybe Maple Street was somewhere we couldn’t go back to.
My stomach grew increasingly unsettled as I thought about it.
I didn’t expect anything from Sully; that wasn’t why I’d returned to Minnesota. I didn’t expect us to get back together. I didn’t expect him to take care of me or the baby or any of that. But IknewSully wanted kids—it had been all he’d ever wanted—andthe idea of having his child and living halfway across the country felt unimaginable.
Not to mention, I’d never known my dad. And living with that experience, that confusion and partial feeling of abandonment as a child, was the last thing I wanted for my own kid. They deserved to know Sully, and Sully deserved to know them.
“It’s an old house,” Anne added when I’d grown quiet. “And it could use some new life in it.”
“Okay,” I whispered and then froze, shocked that I’d said that aloud.
Intermingled in my shock, though, was an odd sense of relief.
This would likely reopen wounds I probably didn’t know still existed, but I’d already come this far. I’d already moved cross-country and planned to attempt co-parenting or something of that sort with my ex. How much worse could it really get? And it was one more thing checked off my list. One more thing I didn’t have to worry about and a quick way to get out of Sully’s mom’s house.
And into his childhood home.
“Okay,” I reiterated, a little louder this time. “I’m in, and I really do appreciate it, Anne. But I do think…” I worried my bottom lip. “I think we should make sure Sully’s okay with it.”
Anne nodded, clearly understanding that it was the reasonable thing to do, even though she very much seemed like she wanted to bypass her son.
“Would you like me to talk to him about it?”
That was certainly tempting.
I needed to talk to Sully. Likereallyneeded to talk to Sully, but the idea of Anne breaking the first bit of news—that I was back in Minnesota—sounded more than a little nice, even if it was cowardice. Besides, Sully was more likely to be honest with his mom about how he felt about the entire living situation than he would be with me. When we’d been together in Boston, it had been so incredibly hard to get a read on him, and I worried that if Italked to him about living on Maple Street, it would be just as challenging to figure out how he felt about it.
So, sure, maybe I could let Anne do the talking. Just this one time. And then I’d talk to Sully. And tell him I was pregnant with his child—just a small, additional detail, you know?
“Sure.” I attempted a smile, but I knew it looked more like a grimace. “That’d be great.”
“Okay,” Anne agreed. “I’ll do that today.” She stood and pointed at my mug. “Do you want me to heat up your coffee for you?”
“Uh…sure.” I handed her the cup. “Thank you.”
As soon as Anne walked away, I sank lower in my chair and huffed out a sigh.
One day at a time. I just needed to make it through one day at a time.
I toured the apartments anyway, in case the plan for me to move into the Maple Street house didn’t work out. Sully might veto it, which would be totally understandable.
I was starting to hope he didn’t, though. Especially after the places I’d just seen, which were not nearly as nice as they’d looked online. Maybe being pregnant had given me a newfound mom sense, but I kept spying little hazards that sent my anxiety spiking, like railing gaps that coulddefinitelyfit a baby’s head and random cords hanging from blinds and outlets and somanythings. Also, sue me if I didn’t want my child’s first words to be “Fuck me, baby,” which seemed to be repeateda lotthrough one apartment’s thin walls.
Perhaps I was looking in the wrong area of the cities. That was more than possible, but after today, I decided not to lookanywhere else until I heard back from Anne about Sully’s thoughts on the matter.
I was getting into my car after the final showing when my phone buzzed.
THEO: Is everything okay?
I stared at his text, my heart in my throat. It was weird seeing Theo pop up on my screen. For so many years, he had been like an older brother to me, even more than Blake and Noah. When everyone had left Minnesota, he’d stayed. For a long time, it was me, Sully, and Theo who did everything together. And Cooper, when he felt like tagging along.
After the breakup, I’d felt Theo’s absence, too. Acutely.
