“You left me no choice,” he said, his voice devoid of emotion, as was the look he fixed her with. “You were becoming hysterical. Unpredictable. I could not risk you ruining everything. I did it for the children, Helena. I told you, they are who matters.”
She took a step back, revulsion spreading through her body. “All this time… everything you said… how could you be so cruel?”
“I did what I had to do.”
“And now?” she asked, her voice a whisper, afraid to ask the question… just as afraid of the answer. “What happens now?”
He sighed as if with regret. “It will be as it was always meant to be. We will keep up the carade for a little while longer. Just until I can pass this bill in Parliament. Once that is done, you willbe free from me. Is that not what you wanted all this time?” he scoffed. “Do not pretend that you ever wanted this marriage to work. You made your feelings clear on day one.”
“Things change, Sebastian. You said so yourself.”
“I lied,” he declared. “As I needed to. I never meant to hurt you, Helena. Please, I want you to know that.”
“And I am just supposed to believe that.”
“I am not lying. Not this time.”
“Yes, you are.” Another step back, then another. “All you do is lie, Sebastian. It is who you are. And me? I guess I am the fool for falling for it.”
“Helena…”
“No.” She scowled at him, her body shaking, anger flowing through her that she used to mask the sadness that threatened to break her. “You want to know what I want? You will be happy to hear that I want the same thing—I just wish I had realized it sooner. An end to this marriage. Hopefully, soon. And when it is done, I don’t expect to ever see you again.”
She fixed him with a final glare, turned on her heel, and fled the study before she burst into tears.
Helena thought of running to her room, but that felt like a prison to her. This entire manor was a prison, and she its prisoner! She had known this was happening. She had heard Sebastian admit it and had felt the change in him. But to have it told to her directly, and so coldly, as if he had not once cared for her at all… that was what finally broke her.
That was why she ran as if she meant never to return.
She ran down the hall, into the back garden, and to the stables. There, she saddled a horse, climbed on it, and led it out. She kicked her heels into its flanks and pushed it across the open pastures, as fast as it could go.
She did not know where she was going. She did not know where she wanted to be led. All she knew was that she needed to get as far from Sebastian as possible.
What she needed more than anything was to be free from this place. From her husband. From everything that had happened to her. Only then would she be happy.
Happy… if such a thing ever existed.
CHAPTER 33
Sebastian felt like he was going to throw up.
Still seated behind his desk, he watched where Helena had just fled as if she were being chased out of the room by rabid dogs. He was holding his stomach and clenching his jaw tight as he fought against the urge to go after her.
It had been a short conversation. It had been brief and to the point. It had also been necessary, finally driving that nail into the coffin that confirmed what this marriage was and where it was going. It had also been the hardest thing he had ever done.
She doesn’t deserve this. She has done nothing wrong. In no way did she trick me. In no way did she lure me with false promises. She was nothing but honest and open, and the chance she took to be that way with me was even harder for her than it was for me. And yet…
His stomach lurched, and he groaned as if in pain.
And yet I hurt her, and for that, I will never forgive myself.
How could the right thing feel so wrong? After all, was that not why Sebastian was doing this?
Now, he wasn’t so sure. To remember the look of utter disgust and hurt on her face as he spurned her just now was to confirm how wretched a human he was. And it was an image that would sit with him forever, haunting him to his grave because he did not deserve respite.
Sebastian shook his mind clear and tried to get back to work.
He picked up his quill, bent over the desk, and attempted to finish the bill he was drafting. That was what mattered. That was why he did this. The children… they needed him.
