But doesn’t Helena need me too? How can I so willingly throw her out into the cold as if she does not matter? How can I claim that I want to protect those who need it when I can’t even protect the woman I care for?
Still, his stomach knotted. Still, he felt ill. Still, he could not scrub her from his mind, and the study spun around him so it was all he could do not to collapse into a pitiful heap.
It took little time before he decided that there was no point in working tonight. He stood and strode across the study, pausing because he did not know where to go or what to do.
He wanted to check on Helena. To apologize, perhaps try to soften the blow, if such a thing were possible. But he had to stay strong, for her and the children.
Nonetheless, Sebastian found himself approaching her room soon after. The door was open, and he crept toward it, listening for the sound of tears. Yet he was greeted with silence, and when he peered around the corner, he saw that she was not there.
A few minutes of investigating confirmed that she had left the estate on horseback. Not a single member of staff could say where she went, just that she took a horse and rode into the night.
I should go after her… for her own safety. A woman should not be out riding in the dark. She needs me.
It was impossible for Sebastian to make sense of his feelings. He knew what he should do, just as he knew what he wanted to do—what heneededto do. He found himself in the foyer soon after, staring at the spot they had stood not so many nights ago. When he had confessed his feelings and pulled her into a kiss.
He could still feel that kiss on his lips. The smile she had worn was seared in his mind. The laughter she shared with him. How wonderful he felt when he realized that she felt for him what he did for her. That brief moment where the world started to make sense, and he knew that his life was about to get better.
He groaned and stumbled.
He clutched his stomach, the sickness growing.
The argument that he had done the right thing grew weaker in his subconscious, a pitiful thing that sounded nowhere near as convincing as it once had. He wanted to protect Helena more than anything, but he ended up hurting her. And that, he decided, could not be allowed to stand.
So it was that Sebastian came up with a plan.
In truth, he could not believe he had not considered it sooner. But once the plan struck, he felt a surge of energy sweep his body.
For the first time that evening, he did not feel sick with guilt. Rather, he felt a strength surge inside him because finally, he was doing the right thing.
Sebastian wanted Helena back. He also wanted to protect her. But so long as Mr. Ramsay was in the picture, that was impossible to do. Thus, he needed to take care of Mr. Ramsay in a way that would ensure he could not hurt her or the children ever again.
Yes, a risky move. A damn dangerous one. But it is the only way.
He hurried through the manor, the idea burning hot inside him. He reached his study, snatched a piece of parchment, dipped his quill in ink, and got to penning the letter. And as he worked, hesmiled to himself, because he knew he was doing what he should have done days ago.
He just hoped it wasn’t too late.
“He’s late,” Giles said from behind him.
“He’s always late,” Sebastian scoffed. “I think he likes the idea of keeping me waiting.”
“Always? How many times have you done this?”
“Just the once,” Sebastian admitted. “But he was late that one time. And clearly, he is late this time. There is no need to panic.”
“Who is panicking?”
“He will be here,” Sebastian said sharply. “And stop talking. If he walks in, I don’t want him seeing you.”
Giles snorted. “Likely, he will just think you’re speaking to yourself.”
“And that is better how?”
“At least he won’t suspect a trap,” Giles chuckled. “He’ll just assume you’ve lost your mind.”
“Quiet,” Sebastian snapped. “You know what to do, and this isn’t it. Sit still, pay attention, and wait for my signal.”
“As you say,” Giles sighed. “I just hope this works.”
