“I did not want you to do anything dishonorable,” she said softly. “I suppose… I suppose that I simply needed to know that the attraction I felt between us when we first met was not my imagination. I simply wanted to know that it was real.”
“It was real.”
“I have never known that before, you know,” she murmured. “My poems speak of love and attraction, but I have never known it myself. I told you that. Until I met you, it was all mostly theory, but now I have experienced it.”
He looked at her, then. “And how does it feel, knowing we cannot act upon this attraction that comes so easily between us?”
Cadelyn stared him a moment, inspecting his face; his square jaw covered by the blond beard, his straight nose, and big, blue eyes. Reaching out, she put her palm against his cheek, an impulsive gesture that had him closing his eyes, tightly. But he didn’t pull away. He kept his eyes closed as she cupped his face, running it gently along his scratchy beard, exploring his face in a gesture that was as tender as it was poignant.
“I want to buy my freedom,” she whispered. “If William Marshal wants ninety marks for this contract, then I shall find a way to give him ninety marks.”
Kress sighed sharply, putting his hand over hers as she gently caressed his cheek. “You cannot do it, my lady. He will not accept it.”
“Then I shall refuse to marry Ellesmere.”
“You cannot.”
“I would rather commit myself to the church than marry him. Is that plain enough for you?”
His eyes opened and he looked at her. “If you commit yourself to the church, then you shall marry no one,” he said. “I would not be able to marry you in that case.”
“I am not asking you to. But I cannot, and will not, marry Ellesmere.”
“Is it not better to be the wife of a great earl than a postulate locked away in a cloister?”
“Nay.”
“Why not?”
“Because if you are not the man to touch me, then no man shall.”
His features, usually so unemotional, flickered with sorrow. “You cannot put that burden upon me,” he said. “It is not fair.”
Cadelyn dropped her hand from his face. “I am not trying to burden you,” she said. “I am simply stating a fact. Up until a few months ago, my life at Castle Rising was light and carefree for the most part, and all I had to do was worry over was completing my chores and sneaking into town to deliver Yerik my poems. I had always hoped to find a man to marry, a man I could love and who could love me in return, but then I received the news that I was to be married into the House of de Shera. I never asked for it; I did not want it. I had put it out of my mind. Then, I met a handsome knight who looked upon me with eyes that glimmered and told me I was beautiful. He filled my heart with joy, and if that is the only time in my life that I ever feel such a thing, I am content. I was not meant to feel that with anyone else.”
It was such a heartbreaking thing to say, something that broke through any remaining barriers Kress had up. Those imaginary stones he’d put up between them had just been kicked down in their entirety, and he lifted a hand to gently cup her face, leaning over to kiss her on the cheek with warmth and tenderness and sadness.
It was a beautiful, sweet gesture.
“You may,” he whispered hoarsely, looking her in the eye. “But I would be lying if I said I hope you do. Selfishly, I hope it is only, and always, with me. But you are to marry a man you may very well find attraction with and if you do, then I hope you will look upon our moment in the sun with fondness and mayhap some sorrow for what could have been.”
Cadelyn was feeling his gentle kiss all the way to her bones. Her heart was racing madly and all she wanted to do was throw her arms around the man and hold him close.
“I cannot feel for anyone else what I feel for you,” she said. “I swore, even as a child, that I would only give my heart once. Ever since I saw that servant woman and the stable groom kiss in that clandestine meeting, when they parted so painfully. They did not give their hearts easily; I could tell. I swore I never would, either, but it seems I have given it to a man I can never have.”
Kress didn’t know what to say. He simply pursed his lips sadly and dropped his gaze, unable to look her in the eye and see the longing there. He wanted so badly to respond but if he did, he knew all would be lost. He wouldn’t be strong enough to resist her if he gave in to her feelings and he was very close to doing so. Dropping his hand from her silken skin, he reached out to take her hand and hold it tightly.
“I wish things were different,” he said huskily. “I wish I could take you away from here.”
“And marry me?”
He smiled faintly; he couldn’t help it. “My lady, you know nothing about me. Don’t you think you should before you believe you want to be my wife?”
She looked at him curiously. “What more do I need to know? You are a strong, noble knight from a good family, and you are kind and compassionate. There is nothing more I need to know.”
He squeezed her hand. “Since we are being honest about things, then I shall be completely honest with you when it comes to my past,” he said. “You know I went to The Levant, where I served for the duration of King Richard’s campaign. I was part of a very elite group of knights who acted above and beyond the call of duty. This meant we carried out missions from the Christian commanders that other knights would not undertake. Missions that were considered… dark.”
She was listening to him intently. “Dark? What do you mean?”
