I tried to call him, but it went straight to voicemail.
I read Carmen’s message, but she just said she was worried about Jude going to the visit alone.
Fuck, it was literally the only thing Jude asked me for in the entire time we’d been dating, and I had completely dropped the ball, after I’d promised him I’d be there for every visit. I knew I’d been slacking the last few weeks, too. I’d made my big declaration that night in Aurora, but since we’d gotten back, I’d been busier and busier. Jude always pushed me to do what I needed to for OuNYe, but I knew I was going back to my old ways. Taking the person I was with for granted when work got crazy.
I started walking to my car again, feeling like a complete asshole. This visit was going to be a hard one. Mary didn’t have much time left.
By the time I got to my car I’d called him four times, but they all went straight to voicemail. A feeling of dread started to creep in. If he’d missed his visit, or worse if something went wrong while he was there all alone, I’d never forgive myself. I didn’t know what to do. I tried calling Carmen to ask if she’d talked to him, but her phone was switched off, too. I got in the car and started driving, then called my mom on the Bluetooth.
“¿Qué paso, m’ijo? Did you get in touch with him?”
“No, I almost want to drive over there, but he’s probably on his way back by now. Maybe I should go to his place and wait for him. I know I don’t need to treat him like a baby, but I could tell he was nervous for this one. And I’ve been so busy trying to get everything on lock with the business… Mamí, I don’t know what to do.”
My mom breathed out on the other side of the line. “Ernesto, I know this thing between you is new, but I also know it’s important. You love him, m’ijo, and I know he cares about you. You let him down.”
“I know. I know. I’m going to let you go, Mamí, okay? I’ll talk to you later.” I cut her off before she started lecturing me again, because I really couldn’t deal with “I told you so” right now.
The feeling I’d done something irreversible wouldn’t quit. Jude didn’t like letting others see his pain, and he didn’t trust easily. I feared I’d broken what he’d given me. Not for missing the visit, because if something had come up with the truck and I’d let him know in advance he would have been fine.
What I worried was he’d think he wasn’t a priority for me.
I parked my car across the street from the truck, thinking of what to do, and came up blank. I’d blown my chance to be there for Jude today, and now I had to deal with whatever the consequences were. When I thought about OuNYe and the big news of today, the elation I should’ve felt at being so close to having my restaurant fell completely flat.
chapter twenty-seven
nesto
“He said he’ll call you tomorrow.” Carmen’s voice was off and she sounded worried. When I’d called earlier asking for Jude, she hadn’t berated me or even told me I’d fucked up, just said she’d call me back in five minutes. Now after three tries, all she had was he’d call tomorrow.
I tried not to sound as desperate as I felt when I answered. “Can you at least tell me if he’s all right? Did something happen at the visit?”
She sighed wearily. “I’m sorry, Nesto. All he said was he’ll call you tomorrow.”
“But why isn’t he home? I came by his place twice, and he’s not there.”
This time her voice sounded wooden, like she was forcing herself to sound neutral. “He’ll call you tomorrow. When he says he’ll do something, he does.”
Ouch. That fucking hurt, but I deserved it.
“Gracias, Carmen. Buenas noches.”
“Bye, Nesto.”
It was nine p.m. and I was sitting on my couch after hours of frantically trying to get in touch with Jude. I’d gone to his place, called, texted and got no reply. I almost went to Carmen’s house, but I’d only been there a few times, and felt like I would beoverstepping by showing up unannounced. If Jude didn’t want to talk to me, I’d just have to wait until he was ready.
I tried to think of the last time I’d felt this helpless or scared and couldn’t come up with much. This is what my mom and Milo warned me about. I got tunnel vision when I went after something and could forget everyone around me. I’d been so hell-bent on not messing up my second chance with Harold, I’d let down the person that mattered most to me.
I hadn’t even gotten around to telling my mom about the restaurant space. Once I realized how bad I’d fucked up with Jude, everything else seemed unimportant. I hoped I’d get the chance to make things right with him, but I wasn’t even sure I deserved it.
I was trying to convince myself Jude just needed some space, and we’d be fine when my phone buzzed. I picked it up immediately, hoping it was him calling, when I saw Milo’s number. Of course, Jiminy Cricket himself, calling me when I was primed for my reckoning.
“Hey.” My voice sounded awful.
“What happened?” This motherfucker really did have superpowers.
“I just said hello.”
Milo clicked his tongue and sighed like I was trying his patience. “You sound like someone died. I haven’t heard you this fucked up since…well, ever actually. Did something happen with Jude?”
