It was wild, how I could feel so many things at once.
33
ELLIE
“Come on, girl,” I murmured, coaxing Dottie toward me with a soft, hopeful tone. I’d been out here for hours, trying to bridge the space between us, but nothing had changed.
With a quiet groan, I sat back on my heels. The frustration wasn’t with her; it was with me.
Because the truth was, I still didn’t feel like myself.
And she knew that.
Animals always did.
Logan and I had gotten back to Faircloud a few days ago, slowly adjusting to normal life again after our time away. My family had peppered me with questions the moment we got back, so I told them everything positive—from the amusement park and Gregg, to the rodeo and the roadside souvenir shop where we picked out little gifts for everyone on the way home.
They loved them. Penny especially. I gave her a mushroom-shaped kitchen timer so she could actually keep track of time and stay on task. She hugged me so tight I swore I heard a rib crack.
I should’ve been happy to be home.
And yet, part of me wasn’t.
Seeing Miles again? That was the part I dreaded. But Faircloud itself? It held my roots. My people. My family, my friends. Logan. They were all anchors, reminding me that life was still good, that men like Miles and Buck didn’t get to ruin all of it.
I stomped my boot against the ground. Dottie whinnied, shaking her mane.
“What?” I asked, smirking. “You got something to say?”
She didn’t, of course. But her silence said enough.
I’d left town hoping to clear my head, but even now—back in familiar fields, with the same dirt beneath my boots—I still felt like a stranger in my own life.
Still couldn’t connect with her.
With myself.
Was I broken?
Was what I felt with Logan just a momentary high, a tease from the universe?
Was that kind of happiness even possible here… in Faircloud… for me?
I didn’t know.
And maybe that was the worst part.
Lately, I’d been spending all my free time out here with Dottie instead of with Logan, my family, or even my friends. I kept telling myself I needed air, space, clarity. But if I was honest, I wasn’t sure what I was looking for.
I thought when I came back, things would settle. That the ache in my chest would quiet. That I’d fall into some version of normal that didn’t feel like pretending.
When I reached to stroke Dottie’s nose, she pulled away.
“Okay, okay. Fine.”
I trudged over to the fence and sank down against it, crossing my arms and folding my legs beneath me.
“I don’t know what the hell I’m doing,” I admitted aloud, my head tilted back toward the sky.
