“I have so much uncertainty about what I want, about who I am, that I feel like I’m floating with no paddle. Except…” I let out a shaky laugh, “Logan’s been my paddle. Always. And now I can’t tell if I’m falling in love with that paddle… or if I’m just starved for affection and clinging to the way he looks at me.”
Saying the words didn’t solve anything, but it loosened the knot in my chest.
“Is it just another man giving me attention?” I wondered out loud. “It doesn’t feel like that. When I think about him, I get butterflies. And I haven’t felt that in a long time. Maybe… maybe my body’s warning me he’s one of the good ones. Maybe if I can’t trust my thoughts, I can trust my nervous system instead.”
I heard the slow, steady thud of hooves in front of me, Dottie drawing closer. But I kept talking.
“If this is just some need for attention, it’s not fair to him. Logan deserves more than that.”
I’d never seen him as more than a friend.
Maybe because I never imagined someone like him would want me.
But Logan had always been there. Not loud or demanding, not trying to take anything from me. Just… there. Consistent. Kind. Safe. The one constant.
“How am I supposed to know what real love looks like,” I whispered, “when all I’ve ever known is the kind that leaves or breaks you?”
Was I overthinking? Probably.
But what if Logan and I only felt this way because we’d escaped Faircloud, even just for a little while? Maybe, in the freedom of distance, it was easier to believe in something new. Something more.
Dottie let out another whinny.
“I don’t speak horse,” I replied, cracking a tired smile, “so I have no clue what you’re agreeing with.”
I tipped my head back, letting the sun bathe my face in warmth. When I finally opened my eyes, Dottie stood inches away. So close it startled me. I jerked, and she flinched—but neither of us bolted. We both stilled.
I reached out my hand and brushed her leg.
“And that kiss…” I whispered.
God, that kiss.
The sunset.
The blanket.
The way he looked at me like I mattered, like I was something to treasure.
He always made me feel like that.
Like I was important.
Like I belonged.
Even before the kiss.
Even when I was sad or scared or filled with joy, my heart always sought out Logan.
He’d always been my person.
Maybe he always would be.
Maybe, all along, that was the sign I needed.
All my life, I’d been pulled toward loud, intense men—men who made sure I knew how much they needed me, only to leave when I needed them back.
But Logan?
