“You know I do.”
I took her hands in mine. “Come on then, let’s go.” I winked.
Chapter36
Lakelyn
“Ican’t do this. I can’t.”
Oh my God, I was petrified.
My nerves threatened to spill over while I frantically tried to recall everything I had learned in the safety brief. The plane’s propellers hummed loudly as the steady vibration from the small tin can we were in worked collectively and did nothing to curtail my crippling anxiety.
Boden reached for my hand and squeezed. “You got this. I promise I’ll be right behind you.” He bumped my nose roughly while attempting to kiss me as the plane jolted us. “I love you.”
The red light changing to green caught my peripherals on the wall beside the plane’s main door, signaling we’d reached the jump altitude and it was time to open the hatch.
“I love you too,” I replied as my instructor shouted, asking if I was ready.
Fuck no, I wanted to shout out loud.
Thank goodness I was securely tethered to my instructor as he moved us toward the open door. Otherwise, I wasn’t sure I could do it by myself.
But I wanted to desperately.
Conquering fears was living, and living is what I promised myself I’d do.
My hands gripped the sides of the plane with white knuckles, and my toes hovered over the edge while I looked out over the unobstructed aerial view that I wasn’t ashamed to admit was unexpectedly glorious for as far as the eyes could see.
“On three—two—” I wasn’t sure “one” had registered before he launched us into the unrestricted air space.
I was free-falling.
Free-falling toward earth.
The gravitational pull drawing me in was so intense that it appeared I’d left all my reservations in the plane as amazement took over and soothed my inner worries.
The feeling was indescribable.
Majestic.
Freeing.
Cathartic.
The depth of the gorge I’d willingly hurdled myself out of a plane and into didn’t swallow me up whole as expected.
It released me.
It severed the chains tying me to my bloodline, which lurked in the darkness, taunting me that I wasn’t enough.
It cleansed my soul while reinforcing that my inner strengths were something to celebrate.
Boden’s words replayed in my head, resonating like a beacon on the horizon, injecting a fresh perspective into my soul, and everything suddenly became crystal clear. “In order to have a breakthrough, you need to have a breakdown.” Annabelle’s passing, combined with the fresh wave of hurt I carried from my parents on my sleeve, definitely qualified as the onset of my downward spiral. The icing on the cake was going on a reality television show where I was too withdrawn and numb to see the damage I was self-inflicting on myself.
My need to feel anything other than the pain was the devil on my shoulder, leading me astray.
The feeling of abandonment I’d carried since my adolescence resurfaced and was a heavy weight to bear. Never understanding what I’d done to earn my parent’s overall disdain caused me to question my worth. In life, we all have choices; submit to the life you’re dealt with or break free and carve your own path. While it was a crossroads I faced early on, I always knew I desired more, and now, as I prepared myself for landing, the awareness that I was right where I was supposed to be shined triumphantly.
