I wasn’tbreakinghim. I wasn’tfinally getting through.
He was playing me.
“No,” he says. I can’t even tell if it’s a lie. “I agreed because I’ve caused you enough pain, and I didn’t want to do it any longer… I thought you’dwantto have this time to yourself. I didn’t know it would upset you.”
“I hadsexwith you.”
I close my eyes when my voice is too shameful to bear. He doesn’t pretend not to know what I’m talking about, and for that, I’m grateful.
When we were in the treehouse, I honestly thought I was just taking the upper hand. I hoped my kiss, my touch, my vulnerability meant something to him. I didn’t think it’d meant something to me.
I turn to look at his bracelet, but it’s tucked into his sleeve. It doesn’t matter. I know what it looks like as well as that necklace around his neck.
Is he planning on wearing that bracelet when he leaves? Does he think he’s going to be with the next girl telling stories about the silly woman trapped in a cult while she plays with the loose strands of red, the two of them cuddled up together?
I feel sorry for her. And angry with her. And jealous of her all at the same time.
“The people here went so long without welcoming new members that it created an inbreeding problem. It’s dangerous for two people born here to have a child, and my friend is afraid she’s going to wind up carrying a baby with defects they won’t accept.”
My eyes close. “She wants you to help her leave.”
“No.”
My eyes open into a squint while I wait for him to lie to my face yet again.
He sighs. “She just wants companionship, Luna… This place is so fucked up, and there’s no one she can talk to who wouldn’t have her stoned for questioning the cult’s practices. She gives me what I want because she thinks it’s helping me pass my initiation test. In return, I make her feel seen.”
I hug myself and trace the fresh cut on my arm absentmindedly.
“Are you seriously upset with me? I’m just trying to survive.”
My chest puffs as I scoff. “Your survival techniques are interesting.”
“Are they not the same as yours?”
His words land like a slap to the face, and my chest tightens before I can stop it. My hand fidgeting with the cut pauses as the moment stills.
He’s not wrong.
But there’s a stark difference between us.
The rawness I gave him was real. It was still me, no matter my purpose in sharing it.
A hollowness crawls up my throat, and I brace for it like a wave. I smooth my hands over my thighs to steady myself.
“What’s her name?” I ask, holding my breath.
No answer.
“Is she the woman we saw the other day? From the treehouse?”
Hesitation, then: “No. That was Aurelius’s daughter, Zephyr. She’s someone you should stay away from, if you can help it.”
“Thanks for the advice,” I say in a small voice.
Sawyer waits a minute before he gently pulls my hand away from my cut. I’ll need to clean it soon. Cover it before infection can set.
“You want to go on a hike with me?” he asks.
