“It’s Zoe’s birthday, so I was thinking we could head out for ice cream in the afternoon or something.”
How on earth can he speak and do those incredible things to me at the same time? I’m definitely having trouble multi-tasking, my focus torn between the tension that’s building in my core and considering his invitation.
In the end, I put my hand atop his, stopping him from moving it for a second. “Hang on a second. She’s turning five, isn’t she?”
“She sure is. According to her, she’s a big girl now.”
“But isn’t she going to have a party?” The idea of a little girl turning five and not having a birthday party seems so incredibly sad.
Next to me, Tyler flops onto his back. “Kinda hard when she’s got no friends.” He blows out before pressing on, his words tinged with sadness. “She spends every day with my mom, or me. She’s never been to daycare or the like.”
Tyler doesn’t need to add anything further. It was common knowledge, even if you weren’t a parent, that those places were expensive. Him covering the costs on his own meant it had to be out of his budget.
I’m now no longer thinking about the mind-blowing sex I was about to have. I’ve got a party to plan. “You have her over here at midday on Sunday. That girl will have the best party a five-year-old ever did!”
Despite my wanting to spring out of bed and start making lists, Tyler convinces me it can wait at least an hour. Five minutes later and I see he’s got the right of it, the tension once again climbing in my body.
A mere fifteen minutes later, and a climax cuts straight through me, every nerve ending screaming as loudly as I am. Thank goodness the trailer as well away from any of the neighbors otherwise they’d probably think I was dying here, and I am in a way.
Sex and breakfast over, I send Tyler packing. He’s gone early enough he can head back to his place in town for a proper shower. One where he won’t end up bashing his elbows into the walls. He’s barely left when I’m in my teeny tiny shower, washing myself from head to toe.
I’ve got one-and-a-half days to put together a pink-themed mermaid party for Zoe. A quick check of the weekend weather on my phone shows no rain in the forecast, meaning we can have the party in the clearing next to the trailer.
In recent years, I’d given up on the hope of ever organizing a party for a little girl. It doesn’t matter that Zoe isn’t my child. I’m throwing myself into this, because who knew when I’d get the chance again?
The next day and I’m up earlier than I would normally be on a Saturday, with me usually making the most of being able to have a sleep in. This sees me down in town armed with my list of party must-haves minutes after the shops open.
Pink will definitely be the dominant color, with me knowing from the few times I’ve been out with Tyler’s daughter that it’s her favorite. It was recalling her reaction to the mermaids that gave me the overall theme for her party.
As well as a starfish pinata, I get pink bunting, balloons, and streamers. On heading back to the trailer, I’ve even found a large inflatable 5. It’s not pink, but I’m sure the silver will work just as well.
I take all of Sunday morning to set everything up, the clearing next to the trailer a veritable sea of pink by the time I’m done. With streamers, bunting, and balloons hanging from the trees, and the large inflatable 5 tied to a window latch on the Airstream, it’s perfect.
Laid out on the grass are several picnic blankets with plastic cups and plates at the ready. However, the highlight of the party is the large birthday cake in pride of place in the middle of the blankets, with a mermaid sitting atop.
Zoe’s reaction when she enters the space has every hour that I’d spent on the party worth it. The little girl’s face is alight with joy as she takes everything in, especially that mermaid on the top of her birthday cake.
However, when I hand over a gaily wrapped present, the cake may as well be a loaf of white bread. This is especially so after the little girl rips open the present and finds the stretchy knit mermaid tail.
As I help her don this small piece of artifice, tears prickle my eyes. All my life I’ve imagined a time like this with a little girl of my own. It’s not fair there are women out there who are mothers purely by accident, who complain of it cramping their lifestyle. Meanwhile, I’d give anything to be a mom.
Tyler is busy inside the trailer, sorting out some cold drinks for us, when Zoe snuggles up to me. “Thank you so much for my tail, Lily. I love it so much!” She then wraps her little arms tight around my waist and it’s all I can do not to burst into tears.
However, her next words have my heart stuttering in my chest, my whole being frozen.
“I asked daddy for little sister, but he said they were too expensive. He said it would have to be our little secret and that I shouldn’t tell anyone. But you’re my friend, so… He gave me sneakers instead.”
Despite these being a practical gift, there’s no missing the disappointment in Zoe’s voice that she’s not getting the little sister she wants.
It’s a feeling I know too well, having begged my parents for a baby sister for years before she arrived. To then have her, and my parents, taken from me, had devastated me, with it taking all of Nanna Dot’s love to help me recover from the loss. There isn’t a chance I want Zoe to miss out on a love like that, not if I can help it.
Not if I have to sacrifice what I want to make it so.
TYLER
After jumping to the ground next to the trailer, I reach back inside and grab the root beer floats off the kitchenette counter. There wasn’t a chance I could risk the steps holding three glasses, not without spilling something.
I’m right next to Lily and Zoe, before I pick up that something is very wrong. Much as people talked of being able to cut the atmosphere with a knife, I’d never experienced it first-hand. While my daughter looks cagey, Lily appears distressed, her eyes brimming with unshed tears.
