SIX
LILY
I stand before the tap ware display, tears streaming down my face, a deep sense of frustration and heartache washing over me.
Every tap on display seems to mock me with its sleek design and unattainable price tag, reminding me of all the things I’ll never have. The weight of my unfulfilled dreams and desires presses down on me, threatening to crush me under its relentless force.
But then, as if by some miracle, I find a couple of tissues in my pocket and, with a haphazard swipe, slow my tears. Mitchell’s patronizing comments continue to flood my mind, adding to the already overwhelming mix of emotions.
Anger and frustration bubble up, like a simmering volcano ready to erupt, leaving me struggling to regain my composure. It’s this that has me staring at the very top shelf. Apparently, if you look up, it blocks your tear ducts, with mine definitely needing help in that department.
Damn it, until I’d seen Tyler hunkered down next to that young boy, I’d thought I was getting over the whole being a mom thing.
Until that happens, I’m better off on my own. And yet, part of me isn’t ready to give up hope entirely. The possibility of finding love and starting a family still lingers, even with the fear of more heartache lurking in the shadows.
If I was to go into a relationship now, I’d only open myself up to yet more sorrow. Once again, I’d be back wondering if I was pregnant every time my cycle ran late. I can’t put myself through that again, not this soon, maybe never.
With a final, clumsy swipe at my eyes, I take a deep breath and focus on the taps in front of me, determined to find one within my budget and put the pain behind me, at least for now.
And then my gaze lands on the most spectacular kitchen faucet. It’s black, with a plethora of knobs and levers. This is the sort of fixture you’d plan your entire kitchen around. It’s also definitely out of my budget. I need to remind myself it’s not my house I’m renovating, technically it’s Nanna Dot’s with her having paid for it.
For all that any of that matters in my desire for the piece. I’m tentatively reaching out to see how the various levers work when Tyler breaks my reverie.
“No, Lily, step away from the Kohler. This is not a drill! I repeat, step away from the Kohler!”
Tyler’s instruction has a drill-sergeant quality to it, and I yank my hand back in response. It’s only on hearing high-pitched laughter that I actually turn and look at him.
He’s not alone. The little boy now sits proudly on his shoulders, holding his plastic sword aloft. However, it’s Tyler who’s wearing the pirate hat. Where he’d gotten that eye patch, who knew?
And just like that, my melancholy dissipates. I know it’s not gone for good, only gone for now, and that’s good enough for me. I need to move on. It’s as I watch Tyler staggering down the aisle a la Captain Jack that an idea sparks.
On us arriving back at the house, loaded down with various tile samples and brochures of the taps and fittings I can afford, I’ve come to no conclusions. I’ve heard of other women doing the whole ‘friends with benefits’ thing, but I’m not sure it’s for me.
There’s also us effectively working together. Imagine how awful it would be if we got together, and it ended badly? Facing him every day and having my failure rubbed in my face was too awful to consider.
And I’m of this mind, right until I walk into the small mobile home, and Tyler follows me in. Ostensibly this is so he can put all the tile samples on the dinette table, but the way he looks at me, says otherwise.
Could it be I’m not alone in my attraction?
So fast does he drop the samples that it’s a wonder none of the tiles break. The only thing that breaks is Tyler’s reserve. Rather than leave as I’ve expected, he takes a step forward, with this having him hard up against me. It was to be expected in such a tight space.
He then stills, simply staring down at me, his gaze questioning. I know what he’s asking, and yet I’m not brave enough to answer. Hadn’t this been exactly what I was thinking about on the drive home?
Despite my internal argument, Tyler must see agreement, because he slides his arms around behind me, nudging me even closer. Oh yes, he’s definitely as keen as I am, perhaps even keener.
When his lips drop to mine and I fall against him, there’s no missing the rocking and rolling of the mobile home, with this only adding to my loss of balance. I’m not going anywhere though, not with Tyler holding me as tightly as he is.
It’s this, and a longing to let go of my past, that has me surrendering to the kiss, my lips parting under the gentle pressure of his. Much as I don’t want to compare him to Mitchell, my brain goes there.
And as with every other comparison made over the past couple of months, my ex falls short. This is especially so with Tyler towering over me. Wrapped up in his arms, his lips moving confidently over mine, I feel cosseted and cared for as never with Mitchell. As much as he’d always gone on about us being equals, that was only in certain departments, those that suited him.
As if sensing my mind isn’t fully on our kiss, Tyler lifts his head. “Earth to Lily. If this isn’t okay, you just have to say. I’m a big boy, I can take it.”
Oh, my, is he ever? I’m not sure what it is about Tyler, that has me wanting to laugh. Not at him, but in pure joy. With him, I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not. Mitchell wouldn’t have gone near me dressed as I am now.
With Tyler, I can be myself.
I’m not sure who’s the more shocked when I blurt out, “Oh, you’re definitely a big boy,” following this up with a distinctly unladylike snort.
