I shake my head, no longer able to stop the tears from flowing. Loxen approaches me, pulling me into a hug. Sobs wrack through my body as he holds me quietly.
“I’m so sorry, Lox.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for, little crow.”
“I should have listened to you! Instead, I-I—” I try to catch my breath.
“Shhh,” Loxen soothes, “it’s okay.”
“No, it’s not okay! Nothing is okay, Lox. I don’t want to go back there; nothing is left for me there when you’re here!”
His arms snake around my lower back. “I’ve longed for a simple moment where I’d get to hold you in my arms. I don’t want you to go back either, pretty girl, but sadly, that is not my choice to make. You have unfinished business on the other side.”
“Will I ever see you again?” I pout, feeling my heart shattering into tiny shards as I speak words of such sadness.
“Nothing could keep me away from you, my love. Not the moon nor the stars could keep me from finding you again.” Loxen kisses my forehead, and I grip hold of him in an embrace so tight, it would take a force such as the universe itself to tear us apart.
Wiping away freshly shed tears, I tilt my head back and press my lips against his in a sweet, delicate kiss.
Sudden movement catches my attention from the corner of my eye. There is suddenly not enough air in the world for me to catch my breath at the sight that beholds me. Walking towards us, in such perfect, pristine attire, is the other man who holds such a large piece of my heart. The man who so quickly became my friend, and undoubtedly became my family.
Archie’s strides close the gap between us, and I can’t help but choke back a sob when I see him sludging forward in his large plum rainboots. The attire is all wrong, but he looks the most comfortable I have ever seen him. He greets me withthe widest smile I have yet to see on his face, and my heart breaks a little more.
“Miss Ren, fancy seeing you in such a place,” he teases, and I can’t help but smile at the way he tries to lighten the moment, even though his being here could only mean one thing. I throw my arms around him as the tears break free for my fallen friend.
“You shouldn’t be here, Archie, this isn’t right!” My words are more a complaint to the world than anything else.This isn’t fair!He holds me, stroking my hair, like he would to calm a small child.
“Now, now, Miss Ren. Nothing is fair when it comes to death; it is just something that one has to accept as a consequence for having the privilege to love so deeply when one is alive.”
I know he’s right. When is he ever wrong? But it doesn’t make this moment hurt any less. Archie is like the grandfather I never knew. He was the only family I had in this world. And to be forced back into that dreadful existence without him? It’s a lot to process for my already aching heart. Archie’s smile is one I will etch into my memory. His wisdom, his candour, and his grace with which he used to face the world are those of a noble man, and that will forever be his legacy.
Lifting my chin high, I give him my best smile and repeat the words he spoke to me when I needed them the most in such sorrow.
“You may grieve the dead, but do not let grief rule your heart.”
A look of pride washes over his face, and I know now more than ever, I will set out to make him proud.
“Your time is near, Miss Ren. You are capable of so much more than you know. Remember who you are and remember the name you bear.” Archie hugs me one last time. “Goodbye, Miss Ren.”
“Goodbye, Archibald,” Isay on a sob. Archie breaks away from me, giving Loxen a warm smile and a nod. My heart splits wide open as he leisurely takes his last stroll through the garden, plucks an iris from the soil, giving it one long sniff, and vanishes behind cascading willow branches.
I stand there frozen and defeated, but Loxen’s hard body stands directly behind me like an anchor, keeping me upright.
“I love you, never forget,” he says into the crook of my neck, placing a soft kiss against it. His words sound an awful lot like a goodbye, and it breaks me from my nightmare. I turn towards him and reach for his chest, but my hand begins to disappear. It happens slowly, then all at once.
The last thing I see before a blinding white flash and a firm tug from somewhere in my chest is a tear slip from Loxen’s blue eyes.
“I’ll be seeing you, little crow.”
THIRTY-SIX
VERENA GRAVENHURST
ONE MONTH LATER
Muffled voices echo throughout the room, but I can’t make them out. I try to open my eyes, but struggle as my heavy eyelids flicker, adjusting to the fluorescent lights that hover above me. I’m wading in and out of the darkness, my consciousness fighting to pull myself out of this haze. The beeping of monitors and the soft hum of the machines sound next to my bed, and I become all too aware of where I am. No longer in the arms of the man that I love, but back with the living in a hospital bed.
I open my mouth to speak, but my voice doesn’t come out. My throat feels hoarse, like I’ve been deprived of water for days. My eyes flutter open, finally managing to keep them that way, and they land directly on my best friend speaking to a nurse. When the nurse leaves, I call out for Mauve, trying harder this time to make any kind of noise, a poor attempt to get her attention. Mauve captures my movement from the corner of her eye, and when her gaze connects with mine, her eyes swell with tears, though it looks like she has been crying for some time now.
