Oh crap.
He means his great-grandma, Audrey, my dad Bryan’s mom who died a couple of years ago. Ben loved spending time with her. Part of the reason Simon and I moved to Memphis was so Ben could get to know her before she passed.
“Baby, mommy’s tummy is a little unsettled. I’m not going anywhere.”
He gives me a long, searching look.
Climbing onto the bed beside him, I wrap my arm around him and bury a kiss in his soft, clean-smelling brown hair. “I’ll be an old lady trying to steal kisses, and you’ll be shrieking at me to leave you alone.” Then I tickle him until he giggles and squirms to get free. Only then do I stop. “I love you, baby.”
“I love you too, Mommy.”
“Ready for your story?”
He nods. “You have to do all the animal voices this time.”
I am truly terrible at them, but I still do all the animal sounds that Ben adores.
One bedtime story later, Ben is softly snoring as I close his favorite farm-animal book and set it on the nightstand. I pull thecovers up to his chin, kiss his forehead, then turn off the lamp and walk out, closing the door behind me.
It’s 8 p.m., and now it’s my time to unwind and relax.
If Ben and I were at a motel, I’d give our room a quick clean before unwinding, but here there’s nothing to do. Win, Joel, and Murph had the dining table wiped down and the dirty dishes in the dishwasher before I could get up from my chair.
Ben was so excited to show off his toys to Joel, Win, and Murph in the living room that I slipped away for five minutes to call my mom and reassure her that I wasn’t lying dead on the side of the road. My dad, Bryan, would have told her I was fine, but she would still want to hear my voice. No matter how old I am, if I go too many days without speaking to her, she automatically assumes the worst.
I linger in the hallway, my gaze fixed on the staircase.
Sensible Rose whispers into my right ear that I should get ready for bed and have an early night. But the invisible strings tying me to my scent-match are pulling at me so insistently that I can’t ignore them.
After losing Simon and witnessing firsthand just how fast life can spin off its axis, I need to talk to him before I go to bed.
I head down the stairs.
Murph is in the living room with the TV off, scowling as he stares into the distance.
Win and Joel are out on the back porch. I can just about hear the low hum of their conversation drifting down the entryway toward me, though I don’t know what they’re talking about.
I take in Murph’s angry scowl and start having second thoughts about coming down here. I turn away, take two steps toward the staircase, then stop.
Put on your big-girl pants, Rose. You need to apologize for snapping at him.
I swing back around and bounce off a familiar hard chest. “Oof.”
“Sorry.” Murph steadies me and immediately takes his hands off my hips before he backs up a step. “I heard someone in the entryway and hoped it was you.”
“Yeah. I was just...” There’s no easy way to tell him that I was running away, so I let my voice trail off and make myself look like a bigger fool than he probably already thinks I am. “Um, why aren’t you outside with Win and Joel?”
“Needed to think.”
“You looked mad.”
“I was.”
“At me?”
He appears startled. “Why would I be mad at you?”
I shrug. “Because of our conversation on the porch before. And obviously lunch was awkward.”
