Still deep in thought, I walk back to the counter and sink onto the stool beside Ben.
“Thanks for watching him, Nico,” I say when Nico returns from the kitchen.
“Did you find out what you needed from Lina?” he asks, drying his hands with a cloth.
“Yeah, I did.”
Confirmation. Though not so much about the school than about my state of mind. I’m not at the thinking stage; I’m at the putting down roots in Rios stage, and the only person who didn’t know it was me.
Now, it’s time to do something about it.
With Sam working late in Nico’s office, he skipped dinner with us tonight.
As we settle down in the living room to watch a movie before Ben’s bedtime, Joel’s cell phone vibrates on the wooden coffee table, pulling all our attention from the TV as we debate what to watch.
Joel picks up the cell phone, and a short call later, he hangs up and gets to his feet, tucking it into his pocket. “Sorry, guys. I've gotta go.”
“Problem?” Murph asks, reclining on the couch beside me with one arm slung around my shoulders.
“There’s a fire at a barn on Benson’s sweet corn farm. They have enough men, but Noah could use one more to help move animals if necessary.”
“Need me to come?” Win lowers the remote control. Ben, sitting beside him, stares at us with wide, curious eyes.
Joel shakes his head. “Nah, we’re good. I won’t be gone long.”
He’s turning to leave when I scramble to my feet and grip him by the front of his shirt. I cling to him so desperately that I surprise myself with how hard it is to let him go.
Joel is a firefighter. He’s had training. He knows how to fight fires, and all he’s doing is moving animals. That’s all. He will be okay. This is not the same thing as what happened to Simon. He will not walk out of this house and die.
But my heart won’t stop racing, and my fingers don’t want to release him, no matter what my brain thinks.
His brow lifts and his eyes bounce from my hands to my face.
I clear my throat. “I, uh, know this is an emergency and I’m wasting your time holding onto you like this, but, um, don’t let anything happen to you on this call. Obviously save whoever needs saving, but… don’t get hurt. Ben would miss you.”
He’s not the only one.
Joel’s eyes soften, and he steps closer to me. He glances at Murph, who raises an eyebrow and gives him a look that says, “What the fuck are you looking at me for?”
Joel’s attention swings back to me. He lowers his head and touches his lips to mine. “Thanks for worrying. I’ll be okay. And it isnevera waste of my time to stop me and tell me that you want me to be safe.”
“Okay.”
“I’d better go.”
“Right.”
His eyes sparkle. “I might need that shirt you’re holding onto.”
I yank my hands from his shirt and step back. “Sorry.”
His smile fades. “I won’t be here for Ben’s bedtime story, but Iwillcome home. I have training, a team, and a big brother whowould kick my ass from here to kingdom come if I eventhoughtof doing anything dangerous.”
He’s reassuring me that he knows why I was so desperate to stop him: fear I might lose him too soon.
“Thanks, and sorry again for hanging off your shirt like that.” I brush out some of the creases.
“It’s okay.” He captures my hand, lifts it to his mouth, and presses a kiss to my knuckles. “Don’t be sorry. I have something real special to come home to. Don’t have too much fun without me, okay?”
