Page 81 of The Song We Lost

This has to be a joke.

This can’t be happening.

This can’t be real.

But when Sadie opens her eyes, and the tears begin to stream down her face steady now, something inside me fractures.

“No.”

I jump up from the couch, nearly tripping over myself.

“No.No. You cannot be dying. What did the doctors say?”

I scan the room frantically for someone who can contradict him. Rose is crying into Thomas’s chest. Noah’s eyes are glossy, fixed on me with grief and pity and something like apology. I spin to Cole, but tears are tracking down his face too.

“No. There has to be something we can do. I don’t understand.”

Cole steps closer, saying, “We are seeing an oncologist in Summit City. It’s advanced, Sadie has Stage IV pancreatic cancer.”

Stage IV.

Pancreatic.

Advanced.

The words float around me, detached. He keeps talking. But it feels like I am underwater.

“This type of cancer is often caught late…”

“…asymptomatic…”

“…treatment options limited during pregnancy…”

Sadie has cancer.

Cancer.

Dying.

“The baby won’t be affected,” Cole says.

That cuts through the noise. I look at Sadie, at her bump under her sweater.

“What if you weren’t pregnant?” I ask before I can stop myself.

Hurt flashes across her face.

Cole scoffs harshly. “The doctor suggested termination when we first found out.”

Sadie wraps her arms around her belly protectively. “It wouldn’t change the outcome. Only prolong it.”

“What does that mean?” My voice is barely there.

“I am dying,” she says quietly. “There is no cure. Just potential treatments to give me a few more months.”

A few more months.

Cole turns away, making a choking sound.