Page 35 of The Song We Lost

Telling her it was temporary.

Telling her it was our dream.

Noah’s voice cuts through my thoughts.

“Look at me,” he says.

I do, and he says the thing I’m not ready to hear. “You… I need you to hear me, Luke. If you miss this wedding, If you make this choice… I am afraid you won’t be able to come back from it.

Dave clears his throat like he’s about to negotiate. Noah turns his head with a snarl. “Don’t try and sell your shit to me, I’m not buying.”

And then he looks back at me, and his eyes are shining.

“I used to envy you,” he says, voice rough. “Do you know that? I used to envy what you had with her. The way she looked at you like you were the whole damn world.”

The words hit me like a fist.

“And you’re throwing it away,” Noah says, quieter now. “For what?”

My chest hurts. My skin feels too tight. I want to say I’m leaving. I want to say okay,okay, I’ll go. Instead, my manager speaks, like he can’t help himself. “Luke,” he says, “we don’t have much time. They’re expecting you.”

Noah’s stare turns murderous, and something in me, something ugly and stubborn... bristles.

Because I hate being told what to do.

Because I hate feeling cornered.

Because I hate that Bailey’s success has made me feel small in rooms where I want to feel large.

I hate it.

And I hate myself for hating it.

Noah’s phone buzzes, he looks down and then back up at me.

“I’m leaving.” he says, "and you should go to Luke."

He starts toward the door and I grab his wrist.

“Noah...”

He yanks his arm free.

“Don’t,” he says.

He’s gone before I can fix it.

The door shuts and the silence that follows is so loud I can barely breathe.

Dave exhales like he just won.“There,” he says lightly. “Now we can focus.”

I stare at the door Noah walked through.

My throat burns as Dave claps my shoulder.

“This is how it works,” he says. “You make sacrifices. You take the opportunity when it’s offered. You can’t be sentimental about it.”

Sentimental.Like my wife isn’t real. Like my family isn’t real. Like Sadie’s wedding is a minor detail.