Page 187 of The Song We Lost

Silence stretches between us. Then quietly Luke says, “You don’t have to do it alone. I know you have every right not to believe me. But I am here, Bailey.”

The words hit somewhere deep and aching inside me. Because one year ago those words were what I needed from him. Now I want to simmer in my rage, but Luke keeps showing up, softening my jagged edges and I don’t know what to do with that.

The red carpet is worse this year. Last year it felt intrusive, tonight it feels vicious.

Cameras explode the second we step from the SUV, flashes so bright they blur together while security pushes us forward.

The screaming starts instantly.

“Bailey!”

“Luke!”

“Over here!”

“Are the baby rumors true?”

“Bailey did you cheat on Luke with Jackson Reed?”

“Luke are you back together?”

“Bailey what can fans expect from the performance tonight?”

“Was the DUI a gimmick?”

“Is Wild Again about you and Rhett?”

“Where’s the baby?”

“Luke, how does it feel watching your wife move on publicly?”

My entire body goes rigid and I fight the urge to lash out right here and now. Beside me Luke’s hand brushes mine once. Not enough for cameras to catch. Just enough for me to feel it. Like he knows what I need right now. I look over at him and he isn’t looking at the camera’s, he is looking at me.

I lift my chin and keep moving. Questions slam into us from every direction while people scream my name like they own pieces of me. And maybe they do. Maybe I sold those pieces away one song at a time.

Inside the venue the noise dulls, replaced by backstage chaos and bright lights and producers speaking into headsets, running around making sure everything is ready to go.

Just like last year.

Only last year I still believed this mattered. Tonight I feel like a ghost walking through a memory. Rachel appears the second we clear security and her eyes immediately scan me head to toe.

“You look incredible.”

“I don’t look like me.” I whisper, my emotions all over the place.

“Maybe you are exactly who you need to be right now to get through this moment.”

I feel my throat threatening to close up and I have to blink back the tears pushing to fall. Rachel grabs my hands before I can move away.

“Listen to me carefully,” she says quietly. “No matter what happens tonight, you do not owe these people anything. But I want you to think about what you owe yourself.”

I look away first. Because if I hold eye contact I might break.

“You don’t understand,” I whisper.

“No, Bailey.” Her voice softens. “I understand perfectly.”

Luke stays quiet beside me. But I can feel him watching me carefully.