Page 186 of The Song We Lost

bailey

. . .

The mirror in the hotel suite feels achingly familiar. Like a deja vu moment I don't want to be a part of. One year ago I stood in front of another mirror in another suite wearing crystals and sequins and a smile so practised it hurt my face. A year ago I was Country Princess Bailey Brooks. With the perfect hair and posture, but what no one knows is, I was a perfect lie.

Tonight the woman in the reflection looks nothing like her. I don’tevenrecognize myself tonight. Black lace clings to my arms and chest, sheer in places, the fitted dress softer and darker than anything my team would have picked a year ago. My makeup is smudged slightly around my eyes on purpose, my blonde hair loose and natural around my shoulders instead of sculpted into soft polished curls.

Tonight won't sparkle. Tonight they won’t get the princess… just me. Or at least whatever version of me survived this past year.

I stare at myself for a long moment, fingers tightening around the edge of the vanity. Last year I looked like something the industry built. Tonight I look like ragged grief.

A knock sounds softly behind me before the door opens and Luke steps inside holding two coffees. And for one impossible second my chest hurts so badly I almost can’t breathe.

Because last year I begged him to come. Tonight he is already here. I didn’t have to chase or beg. In the reflection of themirror I see Luke standing in the doorway in black pants and a matching button down with his tie hanging loose around his neck like he forgot to finish putting it on.

His eyes move over me slowly.

“You okay?” he asks quietly.

No. But I nod anyway. Because I don’t think there’s words to accurately describe how un-okay I am.

He crosses the room and hands me one of the coffees before setting the other down beside my makeup bag.

“You should eat something.”

“I can’t… I haven’t been able to keep anything down.”

His eyes soften slightly and he looks like he wants to say something, but holds it back. He has been doing that a lot lately, being there for me, but holding back.

My phone buzzes against the vanity and instinctively my chest tightens. For one split second my brain still expects it to be Sadie wishing me luck and telling me she is proud of me. The realization hits immediately after. I swallow against it and look down anyway.

It’s not Sadie. It’sCole.

My throat closes before I even open the message. Luke must see something on my face because he goes very still beside me while I unlock my phone.

And then I see the picture.

Thomas stands in the middle grinning proudly in a black Bailey Brooks tour shirt, with Rose beside him wiping at her eyes while smiling anyway. Cole holds Iris against his chest.

And Iris…

Iris is wearing a tiny little onesie with my face on it.

I make this horrible sound halfway between a laugh and a sob. Luke steps closer immediately. The message underneath the photo is simple.

Cole

We’re watching from home.

Iris can’t wait till she’s old enough to see her auntie Bailey perform.

My vision blurs instantly. Cole has barely spoken since Sadie died. He moves through the world now like every piece of energy he has belongs to Iris. Like the only reason he remembers to breathe, stand… Show up is because of her.Forher.

And somehow he still thought to send me this. I press the phone against my chest trying not to completely fall apart before we even leave the hotel. Rachel said she would meet me at the venue and that alone felt strange.

I close my eyes, taking steadying breaths. Readying myself for what I am about to do.

Luke’s hand settles lightly against my lower back and the words bubble out of me, “I don’t know how to do this without her,” before I can stop myself.