Page 152 of The Song We Lost

He walked back over to mom, his words playing in my mind…Sadie…Why was Sadie nauseous?

Before I could ask, Dad cleared his throat, “When do you leave for Rehab?”

Mom gasped and spun her tear soaked cheeks flushed, “Thomas.”

“Rose we talked about this, this will always be his home if he wants it. But he needs to get better, figure out how and why he could have fucked it up so spectacularly with Bailey. With us.”

Mom was crying harder, so I took a shaky sip of water and looked up at dad.

“You are right, dad. I need to figure myself out…” A wave of nausea hit me again, I felt my clammy skin start to sweat, but I pushed it down. “I will go to rehab and come back better…”

The kettle whistle went off and I took the box of crackers in my hand, trying to get them open. Eventually dad snatched them from my hands, opening the box and placing it back in front of me. I tentatively took a cracker from the box and took the smallest bite, working my way through finishing the square. Noah and mom joined us at the table and Noah slid the tea in front of me.

Pushing the box of crackers back, I took the warm tea mug in my hands, absorbing the warmth and comfort.

“Is…” My voice croaked so I cleared it and tried again. “Where is Bailey?”

“You don’t get to ask…” Dad started, but then mom cut him off, “Thomas…” But he pushed on, saying, “No Rose, he doesn’t get to break our girl like that and pull all the shit he’s pulled, then come back to the place she built without him and ask for her.”

Mom was busy whipping her tears with the sleeves of her sweater, “He’s our son, Thomas.”

Dad let out a gruff sound, “He is, and you’ve gotta know that I love you Luke. But Bailey does not need this right now. I told you when you first concocted this plan that this wasn’t fair to her.”

Mom reached out squeezing my forearm, “She said he was always welcome…”

Dad stood quickly scrapping his chair back, “I know that Rose, that girl would never say no. But she also said that before her life was turned upside down…”What was wrong with Bailey?“...She doesn’t need to come home after everything he put her through… after everything she is trying to come to terms with and come face to face with Luke.”

Mom’s hand was trembling on my forearm, so I slipped my opposite hand from the mug and laid it on top of hers.

“I am sorry, if me being here is a problem. I…”

What was I going to ask?

Dad scoffed, “It is a problem and will be a problem but I got out voted… so there's that.”

He turned and stomped out of the kitchen, the front door slamming behind him.

“I… sorry.”

I was suddenly so tired…. I felt like there were so many things I wanted to ask… wanted to know… But then Noah was lying me down by the fireplace, covering me up in a soft blanket andtelling me to rest. So I closed my eyes and dreamed of golden eyes and a life where everything was ok.

chapter 36

luke

. . .

Sitting on the front porch of my parents' brand new home felt surreal. The air was cold, nipping at my cheeks and nose, but mom had made sure I was wrapped up, dressed for the weather. Just like when I was little. Just like when I couldn’t do it for myself.

My eyes trailed across the property, the houses finished and still being built and finally settled on the one that looked like no one had touched yet…Ours… hers…

She really did it…

Shame and sorrow were a constant friend and Noah told me that the doctor warned him my moods could swing drastically, that the meds would help, but I needed to be watched by a team who specialized in this and I needed the help to ensure I would never end up here again.

How did I get here?

Two… no… maybe a day ago, Noah had told me I got accepted to the rehab facility north of Summit City and that he would be driving me there tommo… no today. I was leaving today.