He chuckles and shoots me a small smile.
“I appreciate that. Same goes for you.”
My stomach fills with nerves at the genuine look on his face. Sweat clings to my palms and the back of my neck as I work the courage up to get my mouth to work.
“Do…do you have some time now?”
His smile softens.
“I got all the time in the realm.”
I can’t get myself to return the gesture. The swelling in my throat and the involuntary tremor in my hands are holding me hostage.
“I don’t even know where to start,” I mutter.
“Well, let me start off by saying you’ve already conquered the hardest part.”
“What? Me asking to finally talk to you?”
“No. You’ve already brought some of the hardest things you’ve faced in life to the surface and have started healing those wounds on your own. You’ve accepted and admitted you have an abandonment issue from your parents, followed by Meridamus. You’ve broken down those trauma bonds you had from Mellcom’s and Jeremiah’s emotional and physical abuse. You’ve always been quick to anger and you’re curbing that instinct.
“What happened this past week is bringing the deeply buried emotions that those things have tethers to, to the forefront and it’s overwhelming. Not because you don’t want to talk about it orface it, but because you’re worried about how admitting them is going to make you look and feel.”
“How in the realm could your power possibly tell you all of that? Or does everyone just tell you my shit behind my back?”
I tear my gaze from his and fight off the bite in my tone.
“My power presents itself to me in shades of colors across a being’s body. They’re all distinct. They mean different things and will be placed in different places around a person. Abandonment,” he says, slowly tracing his fingers in the air around my head, “presents itself in a shade of gray. Typically, the darker it is, the deeper the tether is to the beings who caused it. Usually parents.”
My fingers run through the loose strands around my face as if I can wipe the fucking gray from it. Of course, that shit doesn’t work and my stomach cramps.
“Between my power, what I’ve learned, and yes, overheard, I can piece it together. I swear to you, though, no one, not Yemi or your Valtrue, is running around telling your business. Sometimes things are just spoken about in passing and I can put it together on my own.”
That adds up, unfortunately. Those two days I was basically with his Valtrue nonstop, there’s no telling the shit that came out of my mouth that I didn’t pay attention to.
I take a deep breath, centering the defensive desire to lash out. It’s my go-to coping mechanism, but that’s obviously not going to work on him.
I don’t really want to do that if I’m honest.
I’m just scared about how this is going to feel.
“So exactly how does this work? Your powers will pull the emotion from me and I’ll just talk about it?”
“My power will wrap around the emotion and guide it forward. You can talk about it or I can ask questions. The more honest you are from the start, the less abrasive the emotions that risewill be. If you can find it in yourself to just be open, you’ll be surprised how easy it goes. No sobbing or power erupting out.”
A small snort escapes me despite myself.
“I think I’d just like to blab it out, and you cut in where need be, if that’s okay.”
“That’s perfect.”
My fingers release the meadow grass as I pivot my body until I’m facing him fully, and he mimics me. I stare into his eyes, warring with myself once more, before finally solidifying my decision.
I need this.
I can admit to myself that I do.
At my nod, his power presses against my skin, and I command mine to let him in.
