“During the time leading up to when we planned to leave, on top of the roles we had to fulfil, we started creating routines—habits—that people got used to seeing us do. One of those habits was us going into the heart of the Abandon every afternoon we could together. We’d do different things, fuck around. The main thing that always got people’s attention was us going into Seductions. Ourfather was a frequent visitor, so it was normal for us to be seen going there looking for him.
“Seductions is the Goddess of Seduction’s hellhole. It’s a fucking feeding ground for the beings with her domain to gather and do the vilest of things. If it creates sexual tension, it’s allowed.”
All four of us make gruff, unpleasant noises. The shit I’ve seen in there still haunts me.
I can’t imagine what…never mind.
“The day of our escape, we decided that Seductions would be the place we wanted to be seen the most. We knew if word spread that we went there, we’d have a few hours before any questions on our whereabouts started. The condensed plan, which ended up not mattering anyways, was we were going to use that time to trek to the outskirts of the Abandon and pass through the barrier farthest from the side Hellveilious is near, then make our way through Godsden.”
“I just want to cut in to add, we didn’t participate in the activities that went on at Seductions. Ever,” Kyzen adds.
Thayla’s fingers clench mine in a death grip, and her exhale isn’t subtle in the least.
This is why he’s the best at explaining shit. I didn’t even consider clarifying that.
She was probably getting ready to stab me. Or all of us.
“No, we never participated. There are also meeting rooms, torture rooms, and other spaces there that our father would use during his…downtimes. So like I said, it wasn’t unusual when we went there looking for him.
“That day, we walked in like we normally would. Spoke to some of our father’s underlings for a few minutes, then walked to the back. Instead of going into any of the rooms, we went out the door and over to the back of the building next door to wait for Sevryn.
“Minutes passed and he never arrived, but soon enough, our father did. The air shifted, the streets fell quiet, and his laugh bellowed all around us. We knew then he knew. We could feel it. He called our names, made the joke about wiser friends, told us to come on around, and explain to him what we thought we were doing.
“Panic gripped me. I was sure, down to my soul, we were escaping him, the Abandon, and we’d never have to look back. Anger swept through that panic, and I refused to give up that hope. I starshot my swords to me from my room in our father’s house, where I had left them behind on my bed. I wanted him to find them and for them to be my parting fuck you when he realized we weregone. I told my brothers I was getting out of there that day, no matter what had to happen. No one would stand in my way. They agreed. We decided we were going to fight our way through.
“We came around the corner of the building, powers at the ready. We didn’t expect to see half of his army behind him. Reality slapped us in our faces instantly, butwewere quick with a plan.”
“Don’t say we like that, Creed. We know the truth. This part coming, Thayla, I solely planned and put on their shoulders,” Amick argues.
“No—”
“Tell the story,” he orders, cutting me off, and I grit my teeth.
I refuse to blame him. I did that enough in the beginning.
“Riven was to use his harmony to coax everyone in Seductions and around the area to us, then to use his chaos to cause a fight to break out as our distraction. Kyzen was to slow down our father’s men, and I was to kill as many as I could as quickly as I could. We didn’t just start a fight, though. A literal war broke out.
“Both sides collided with the force of the stars. The air became tainted with the power of our father’s Gods Veil. He was releasing power to his men faster than we could do anything about it. It was becoming very clear, his army was going to and was willing to wipe everyone out. Innocent people were dropping dead everywhere. I was taking souls that didn’t deserve that fate. Anyone who touched me, whether by accident or on purpose, was killed. We were all lost to the fight. Lost to the power and dark fury coating the air.
“Our father suddenly appeared in front of us, attempting to wrap his power around us, and a switch flipped. No words had to be spoken. We were going to kill him. He shoved his power out, and we shoved back. Derivius appeared right smack in the middle of us and hit our father with a blast that sent him flying.
“My power was already flowing from my fingers, ready to collide with my father’s, and I couldn’t snatch it all the way back in time. I screamed Derivius’s name, and he whirled around, his power already cast out. He took the hit of my death straight to his eye. It sent his own power off course, and it sliced me through mine. It knocked clarity back into me.
“It didn’t slow Derivius down, though. He wrapped us in his power and starshot us to the Godsdawn. I was shocked frozen as he dropped us in the room with the Gods Veil and told us not to move until he returned. The reality of what we just did settled over me like a bucket of ice. The black stain on my brothers’ and my souls had already taken root.
“We were willing to and did sacrifice innocent life, not solely to protect ourselves, but to avenge ourselves. We caused a war that killed hundreds, sent the Beginning Gods into another argument, and made the Godsdawn even more of a target for our father’s ire.”
I’m sure there are moments I’m leaving out, and I haven’t even addressed the aftermath. We each had a different experience during that time, and our feelings about the whole thing vary. I still feel hollow.
Gods, the lives I took that day.
“I…” she trails off. Her fingers wiggle against mine, and my heart crawls up my throat when I think she’s trying to let me go.
She doesn’t, though. She readjusts her grip.
“My heart hurts. It hurts for the four of you. I don’t want to upset any of you for what I’m about to say, but I think I need to say it. I’m not trying to downplay what happened that day by any means, but I think all of you are taking far more responsibility than is yours to bear alone. I know I’m supposed to say it was wrong of you to kill innocent people because you knew right from wrong by that age, but at the same time, I’m struggling to understand how the people on the side of the Abandon are innocent.
“Aside from kids, Sevryn, maybe this woman named Mazie, and people who’ve been taken there against their will—if that happens—everyone else is choosing to stay over there with your father and receive power from his Veil. Some may be worse than others, and maybe those others are who you mean by innocent. Also, something that sticks out to me and doesn’t make sense is, I’ve felt Riven’s chaos. It doesn’t incite violence on its own. That emotion has to already be present.”
