Yet, even as he spoke, trying to will the words to be true just by allowing them out of his head, he was unsure of their truth.
Was there a point in endlessly protecting his clan if he was never around? He wasn’t sure if he would be able to find a balance.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
“Lady Katherine! I hope ye’re ready for me!” Lady Elspeth called from just outside Katherine’s door. “I’ve brought yer dress. Tilly and Agnes are already waitin’ for us in the solar.”
Katherine opened the door, smiling at the woman. She waved her in, a little thrill running through her when she saw her finished gown draped over Elspeth’s forearm. While it was still difficult to accept that she was allowed to have fine things, the energy of the morning had gotten under her skin.
“It seems Tilly got ye ready for me,” Elspeth said as she stepped over the threshold, carrying the forest green gown over to the privacy screen. “Yer hair looks quite bonnie.”
“Ye look just as bonnie yerself,” Katherine said, ducking her head to hide her bashful smile. “I think that ye should wear that lavender color more often.”
“Do ye?” Elspeth replied as she gestured for Katherine to remove her robe. “It’s new. Me father insisted that I must represent him well today.”
As Katherine put the garment aside, she swallowed around a lump in her throat. There was more underlying what Elspeth said. It was a kind of pain that Katherine knew well, and the fact that Elspeth was willing to show her even a bit of the weight she was carrying felt like a lifeline.
“I think ye should only care about how you represent yerself,” Katherine said finally, allowing Elspeth to help her into the gown. As she turned around, she said, “Have ye seen Laird MacDougal today?”
Elspeth hummed thoughtfully, her hands expertly fastening the buttons. “Truthfully, I havenae. But I imagine he’s takin’ care of some things, so he can enjoy the day.”
“Aye,” Katherine murmured, her heart sinking.
She still didn’t understand what she’d done. It was frustrating and confusing, his constant push and pull. And now, not knowing if he would even be in attendance for the ceilidh made her feel as though there was something wrong with her.
“Why are ye frownin’?” Elspeth asked as she stepped in front of Katherine once more. She scanned Katherine’s face, seemingly in an attempt to find an answer there. “Do ye nae like yer gown? Perhaps we can add some ribbons on the bodice to improve this.”
“Nay, nay, I do like the gown,” Katherine said quickly. “I suppose I’m just a wee bit nervous about the celebration. It has been years since I attended a proper ceilidh.”
“And now ye’re one of the guests of honor,” Elspeth finished for her. “I understand. But it is nothin’ to worry about.” She reached out, adjusting the strands of hair that framed Katherine’s face. “Now, let’s help finish makin’ the flower garlands. We daenae have much longer before the ceilidh starts.”
“Keepin’ me hands busy will be good for me mind,” Katherine said, relieved that she would have something to do to fill the time before guests began to arrive.
As they left the chambers, Katherine was a bit overwhelmed at the energy coming from the staff. They were rushing to and fro, all of them moving with what seemed like single-minded focus. She and Elspeth weaved through them, their elbows interlocked.
“I feel as if we’re goin’ to be knocked over,” Katherine said, her eyes scanning the faces they passed, part of her longing to see Liam among them.
She was sure she was going mad.
“Nay, they wouldnae dare send their lady to the floor,” Elspeth said. “Especially nae today. That would be in poor taste.”
Despite herself, Katherine laughed. It didn’t take away all of the pressure she felt in her chest and mind, but it loosened the knotbetween her shoulder blades. Regardless of what was happening with Liam,shewas determined to have some sort of fun today.
As they joined Tilly and Agnes in the solar, Agnes looked away from the string of flowers she was carefully stringing together. She took in Katherine’s dress then with a nod of approval, she said, “I like that one even better than the one ye were married in.”
“But ye did like me first one, aye?” Katherine asked as she and Elspeth joined the two of them around the low table.
“Of course, I did,” Agnes replied, sounding offended that Katherine would even feel the need to ask. “This one makes yer eyes look even brighter. And it looks as though it’ll be easier to dance in.”
“Will ye be dancin’ with us then, Agnes?” Elspeth said as she pulled the basket of flowers toward them.
Tilly’s hand flew up to cover her mouth as Agnes struggled to stutter out a response. Katherine managed to keep her laughter contained until she saw that Elspeth was keeping her expression completely serious. It burst from her unbidden which only made Tilly laugh harder.
“I may dance,” Agnes said finally, “but I daenae ken how, and I daenae wish to learn in front of everyone.”
“I didnae even think to teach ye,” Katherine said, still giggling. It wasn’t often that she saw the girl flustered in any capacity. “I must apologize for me oversight. But I can teach ye how.”
“Nay one will care if ye daenae ken how to dance,” Tilly said, her voice back to its carefully professional tone. “They will be too busy dancin’ with one another.”
