Out of habit, he started to walk toward Lady Agnes’ room where his daughter had spent hours sitting with her great-grandmother. When he reached the end of her hall, his body jerked to a stop. A low breath hissed through his teeth.
The week that he spent away should have quieted the noise in his head, and he supposed, it did. While he handled the division of property, he truly couldn’t avoid thinking about his grandmother’s death. It wasn’t the ghost of her presence that stopped him.
It was her final request.
Scrubbing a hand over his face, he turned around and walked over to the nearest window, looking out over the grounds as he steadied his breathing. Just as she had at every turn he took andevery decision he made, Katherine walked into his mind. He felt her lips against his, the way that her chest had risen and fallen when he pulled her close.
“I cannae allow meself to lose control again,” he said, scanning the grounds. Laughter floated in through the window, accompanied by the muted murmur of conversation. “I willnae allow it.”
But still, the memories of Katherine’s defiance, of how she’d followed him to his chambers, remained vivid. Her bravery was admirable. Even when he had crowded her space and pulled her head back hard enough to make her hiss, she hadn’t run away. She had stood her ground and refused to give in.
Dangerous. Everythin’ about her is dangerous.
Before his thoughts could spiral further, he spotted Agnes sitting in the grass. She was playing with a doll, the book of tales sitting on the ground beside her. Keeping his mind solidly on her, he made his way through the castle and into the courtyard.
A few of his men nodded at him as he passed, but he didn’t acknowledge them. If he let his mind drift away from Agnes’s blazing red hair blowing in the breeze, he’d start thinking about Katherine again. She was the one who had provided support for Agnes while he was gone.
“Agnes,” Liam grunted when he was close enough to be heard.
Agnes slowly lifted her head and set her doll aside. She blinked at him twice before a small smile appeared on her face.
“Father,” she said, starting to stand up.
Liam stopped her, putting a strong hand on her shoulder. With a gentle touch that felt foreign to him, he guided her back to the ground. Then, in an action that surprised him as much as it surprised her, he sat next to her.
“Are ye well?” she asked, calm and steady, so unlike how he felt himself.
“Aye,” he said, taking in her stern expression.
When Agnes was smaller, he was sure that she’d grow into the spitting image of her mother. Every time he looked at the wee lass, it was as if he was seeing a ghost. But now, he saw that she was something new entirely. She might have shared features with her mother, but she had his hair and his intensity.
And something that was uniquely her own.
“How have ye been handlin’ yerself?” he asked, finally looking away from her. The wind rustled through the tall grass, and in the pasture, he noticed a groom was breaking in a young mare. “I ken I left quickly after the funeral rites.”
“I am nae sad,” Agnes said, cutting right to the heart of the matter. “I do miss seein’ Grandmother durin’ the day andpracticin’ me readin’ with her, but she hasnae left me. I see her in me dreams. We walk together, and we laugh.” She pulled her knees up to her chest. “In me dreams, her hip doesnae hurt her. We ran through the rain last night.”
His chest tightened at her maturity. She was so young, yet she seemed to understand the world in a way he never had. Though she’d suffered the same loss, she easily accepted what had threatened to drive him mad.
“Ach, of course, she’s visitin’ ye,” Liam said, reaching over to tuck a strand of her windblown hair behind her ear. She stared at him but didn’t pull away. “She’s lookin’ out for ye. Makin’ sure ye’re taken care of.”
“If ye’d let her, she’d visit ye as well,” Agnes said simply.
Shaking his head, he made an incredulous sound. That sounded like something Katherine would tell him, delivered with the same cadence she would use. He wasn’t sure if Agnes had learned it from her or if the two of them were truly that alike.
He realized then that no matter how hard he attempted to keep his distance from Katherine, there would never be any escaping her. If it wasn’t her voice or her eyes or her relentless warmth, it would be her words coming from his child’s mouth. It wasn’t something that he could control.
She’s a permanent part of me life now.
“I am goin’ to me study, aye?” he said, rising to his feet. He offered Agnes his hand, squeezing it when she allowed him to help her to her feet. “Perhaps when I finish with me paperwork, ye can read to me.”
The grin he earned in return was so bright it nearly blinded him.
Chapter Eighteen
“Are ye sure ye’re nae losin’ yer mind?” Cillian asked.
Liam glared at him, a bead of sweat sliding down his temple. “Are ye sure ye’re nae? I’m worried ye’re seein’ things that arenae there.”
