I give him a small smile and a nod before I sit back into the sofa and the silence takes over the room once again. I shift against the fabric of the sofa and find that my top is suddenly too itchy as I pull it away from my body. Glancing up, I spot Levi, taking interest in his tie. It dawns on me that we’re both probably nervous and have no idea how to act around each other now. Fuck it, I guess I need to be the bigger person and at least try and clear the air here.
“Thank you.”
“I’m sorry.”
We both speak simultaneously.
“Go ahead, Nerezza. Ladies first,” Levi relents. He gives me a tentative smile, showing his dimple as he leans forward to let me go.
I give him a reluctant smile, pull my legs underneath me, and tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “I want to say thank you. Without you, I could have died.” I choke a little on the last word, no longer able to hold eye contact. It’s the first time it’s actually hit me that I’m fragile. I don’t have any powers that I’ve unlocked to save me. I don’t have Lynx here to protect me. I pushed away the friends I’d made and left myself open to be attacked. I’m a walking target, and who knows how long I have? It really makes me wonder about life and how fragile it is. Should I even try? Maybe Emer and the harpies are right? I’m nothing special. I’m just a human that’s stuck here, and all I’ve done is cause trouble wherever I go.
I feel the sofa dip before Levi’s hand lands on one of my shoulders, turning me to face him.
“Stop. Those emotions are fake and planted, Rez. Those are the side effects from the Wraith. Those depressing ones that are spiraling out of control? Those aren’t yours. I can feel them and they are tainted. They. Aren’t. Yours. Release them,” he demands.
I have the sudden urge to cry and fall into his arms.
“Release them, Rez. I’ll be here to help you,” he assures me and my barriers break. Tears stream down my face as my body shakes, letting go of the pain and fear that’s overtaking me. Levi wraps his arms around me and holds me once again. And unlike when he broke the news that I was stuck here, this time I know he’s actually here for me. Not because he has to be, but because he wants to be. Which makes all the difference. I cry until the last of my energy seeps out and I just feel numb.
“All better?” Levi asks, wrapping a blanket around me.
“A little. Thank you,” I say and pull away, only to turn around to face him directly.
“Rez. I wanted to say I’m sorry and you were right,” Levi admits.
I was about to shut him down again, but he’s just said the magic words. When it comes to a guy apologizing, he shouldn’t say please, just admit that the woman is right, and we’ll be more likely to listen at least.
I pull the blanket tighter against me and quirk an eyebrow. “Right about what?” I question, playing innocent. By his slight smile, I’m not fooling anyone.
“Since I can remember I’ve always tried to impress Lilith or live up to her standards. I don’t know why since my dad’s affection is never lacking, I’ve always strived for it. But nothing was ever good enough,” he says. The pain I see on his face while he admits his insecurity has me reaching out to hold his hand resting in his lap.
“That doesn’t make you any less of a person, Levi,” I say as my heart breaks for him.
“I think I’m starting to figure that out.” He smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes. His thumb starts absently tracing symbols along the back of my hand as he continues. “The thing is, after you left my office, that day we first met, Lilith and my dad came in and asked how you were doing. Of course, I gave them the facts, but Lilith picked up on the clue that I felt more for you,” he admits. It’s cute to see him blush and avert his gaze.
“She wanted me to get to know you better and report back to her only because we’d been getting more reports about the Rebels growing. So the council wanted to use us to keep a close eye on you since you showed up right when the Withering Sulks were sighted again. I want you to know, I only agreed because I wanted an excuse to be around you.” He squeezes my hand as he looks up at me. “Lilith doesn’t find parties or social engagements proper unless they benefit her or our standing, so if I agreed, she would let me hang out and get to know you. Though I did it for the right reasons, I shouldn’t have reported back. For that, I am truly sorry for hurting you.”
Unshed tears burn as I take in Levi’s form. The man in front of me isn’t the self-assured, put-together guy I met when I first got here, and that might not be a bad thing. The question I really have to ask myself is, do I want to forgive him or stay miserable without him? When I put it like that, it isn’t really a question at all.
I pull off my blanket and his eyes go wide as I crawl towards him and into his lap. Placing my head on his shoulder, I try to get comfortable while he takes the blanket and covers both of us, wrapping his arms around me. “I forgive you, Levi,” I mumble into his neck. His body relaxes as he exhales, and a weight is lifted off my soul.
“I know I don’t deserve it, but I want another chance to earn a spot by your side, even if that’s as a friend. I—I just need to be a part of your life. In whatever form you’ll allow.” His body shudders underneath me as he finishes his confession, and call me a sap, but I love it.
I never thought Levi was a bad guy, just a confused one that wanted love and approval by all the wrong people unfortunately.
“Levi, what you did took a lot of guts and I appreciate that. Admitting one's faults or failures isn’t easy and hoping someone accepts you for them is downright terrifying. So I won’t drag out your pain like the devil on my shoulder wants me to. But yes, Levi, I would love to still have you in my life. There might be some trust issues we have to work through, but as long as we promise to talk them out, I see no reason not to add you to my little harem.” I kiss the edge of his jaw, and he looks down at me with the biggest smile and bright greenish eyes.
“Really?” he asks in awe.
“Yes, you goof. Now kiss me.”
He doesn’t have to be told twice as he gently cups the side of my face and kisses me until I see stars.
Hopefully, this is a new step in the right direction because I’m tired of getting turned around.
ChapterForty-Two
ONLY THE BEGINNING
