After a beat, he murmurs into my ear. “Do you remember what you told me a few months ago?”
“No,” I reply and shake my head.
“You told me you are always here for me, that you would always have my back.
“That you are where I’m safe to rest my head. You told me to come to you for my peace, and you would give me all I need. You said you would find the strength with me when my head feels too heavy to carry on.”
“Oh, yeah, I remember now.”
“Baby, I love you so much and I want you to know I am your peace. I’m where you can rest your head and find strength. This isn’t a one-way street.
“I’ve been watching you and see the struggle you’ve been trying to handle on your own. There is a lot going on. Trust me, I know, but you know how I know you were made to be by my side?”
“No.”
“Because you give as much as I do, if not more. As the Alliance follows me, the Bellas follow you. You know every one of your soldiers and what they need.
“If they need help, you’re the first one to hand it to them. If I named them one by one, you could tell me their plight right now. You watch, you listen, and then you give.
“If I don’t, who will? They’re more than my soldiers. They have become my friends. My family, my sisters,” I murmur.
“This I know. Each day you’re pouring into everyone, including our children, as much as I pour into the men looking to me for answers.
“It’s okay not to be okay. I want you to come to me and say, ‘Babe, I’ve reached my limit, and I need to recharge.’ That way, I can drop everything and cater to you.
“Finding you like this breaks my heart because it feels like you don’t trust you can come to me with your burdens. It’s like I’m taking and taking and you’re not receiving anything in return. That’s not the marriage either of us signed up for.
“Baby, what do you need? How can I make this better? Ask and it’s yours,” he says into my ear.
“I need a break. It’s never-ending: The worry, the attacks, always standing in the gap for everyone around us. I’m not saying I can’t or don’t want to do it. It’s just that since this all began, I haven’t been able to stop and breathe,” I say.
There, I said it out loud. I believe I’m as exhausted as he has been. Seeing our child have to fight for his life. Knowing this will be his future and possibly the future of my other boys, I’ve reached a point where I need to stop and be human for just a moment.
“Then we take a break. Logan and Czar can handle things in my absence. You and our family are most important to me.
“Since they can’t seem to agree on where we should go for more than five seconds, you and I will decide. In a few weeks, we will all board a plane and get away to breathe. Two weeks as a family and then you and I will take two weeks to ourselves. How does that sound?”
“Can we really do that right now? Is it safe to let our guards down?”
“My guard is never down. Tasha, baby, listen. It’s what you need, so it’s what we’ll do. Let me worry about everything else. Get the passports ready and pack your bags. You are my priority.”
“LaSalle?”
“Yeah, baby?”
“Thank you.”
“Anytime, baby. I will always cover you. I’m here for everything you need.”
We sit quietly for a while more. I savor the feel of him wrapped around me. His embrace goes a long way to pull me back in.
A knock comes at the bedroom door. I take in a deep breath, knowing I need to get back to my children. The nannies are probably ready to put in notice.
“You stay here. I’ve got it.”
“Mom,” Sammy calls through the door.
“No, I’ll get it.”
