Start again.
Delete that too.
Everything I write sounds stupid and silly.
I press my lips together and finally start typing again, not giving myself time to overthink.
Subject: Follow-up on Mario Conti profile
Ms. Sullivan,
I read your article on Mario Conti and the acquisition of Hawthorne Investments. I’m trying to find additional background on Mr. Conti, particularly regarding references to his late wife, Anna Conti, and the circumstances surrounding her death. I understand you may not be able to share source information, but if there are additional articles, records, or public materials you relied on, I would appreciate being pointed in the right direction.
Thank you,V.
I stare at it.
It is too lawyerly.
Too formal.
Too obviously someone trying very hard not to sound involved.
Stop overthinking this!
I send it before I can lose my nerve.
The second it is gone, I nearly slam the laptop shut, but manage to maintain my composure.
I set the computer on the coffee table and stand, because sitting still makes everything worse.
I walk to the kitchen.
Take two crackers from a sleeve in the cabinet.
Nibble one corner. Regret it instantly.
Take another sip of water.
Walk back to the couch and finally check my phone.
Rest. Work can wait.
I soften before I can stop myself.
I cannot bring myself to answer.
My laptop dings.
I freeze.
No.
There is no way.
It has been maybe half an hour.
I sit down too fast, grab the laptop, and open my email.
