“Konnor, baby.” Blesk places her palms on either side of my face and kisses my forehead. I force my hand away from my chest. Her lips touch my cheek. My chin. Each one lands, draws me back, slowly. I don’t want her to see me like this. I don’t want to need her like this.
“Stop.” I turn my face away. “I’m fine.”
She doesn’t move her hands away or look away like I am something horrific to watch fall apart. My shoulder twitches to shrug her off again, but I don’t. Then her mouth is on mine, and I stop thinking. I just stop. My hands find her face, in her hair, gripping her, involuntarily.
She breaks our kiss. I gasp for air, pulling back.
“Shh,baby.” She draws me in against her chest, her hand moving in slow circles on my back.
Breathe, Konnor.
Finally I find word. “I don’t think I can move, Duch.” My voice sounds strange, like it isn’t my own. “I’m trying to move my feet. I’m trying to, but they won’t budge. I’m supposed to look after you and I can’t even move right now. I can’t go in there.”
She strokes my hair. “I’ll go in.”
Jax grimaces. “What the hell is going on with you, Konnor? That’s fucking the last thing!” He jumps from the car and slams the door behind him.
“Jax!” I call after him.
He turns away from us; stare fixed somewhere out across the field. His hands find the back of his head, drag forward through his hair. I watch him and feel the weight of everything I haven’t told him.Fuck, I need a drink.
“Don’t worry, I’ll talk to him.” Elise pats my arm and swings open the car door. Through the glass I watch her approach Jax. I can’t hear them. She puts a hand on his back. His arms come up while he talks; his head goes side to side; she nods slowly, reassuringly.
I look back at Blesk. “You can’t go in there.”
She sighs, big brown eyes glimmering as the sun carves into the backseat. “I can.”
“It’s a mistake.”
“We need answers.”
“Not like this.”
“I’m going in.”
Hell no.
“Not without me.” I’m shaking my head back and forth. “No way.”
She cups my face again, directing my gaze to her and stopping my incessant head. “I can do this, Konnor.”
“He beat you for years, Duch.” My jaw tightens. “You’re not walking in there alone.”
“Konnor—”
“Not without me. That’s final.”
She breathes out slowly, eyes panning across to where Elise stands with Jax. A soft smile forms on her lips. “I have to. For both of us. To tick off our fucked-up bucket list, remember?” Her expression becomes serious. “I can do this.”
“No, no, no, no.”
“Stop it, Konnor!”
“Duchess.” I take her hands in mine. “I’m not letting you walk in there alone. I can’t. I left you alone once. Fuck. I can’t do it again.”
She looks down at her feet, then back at me. “I will take Elise in with me. I won’t be alone.”
I blink at her, feeling pulled in two directions at once, tearing slowly down the middle. She is brave. She is… whatever she wants to be. If she wants to be brave… I— I should let that happen. But knowing it and feeling it are two completely different things, and right now every part of me is screaming that I can’t let her down again… fuck. This isn’t about me.
