Lawrence was too busy making plans for Stephen’s induction to notice the hint of sadness in Clara’s voice.
‘Isn’t it incredible that he doesn’t have a notice period either. He’s in between positions, so he can start next week. I thought perhaps you could show him the ropes.’
‘Of course, I’d be delighted to.’
Clara tried to hide the selfish feeling she had of how easily she had been replaced and tried to tell herself yet again that it was her decision. She went along with the application for Cambridge and nobody had twisted her arm. It was all part of her plan to embrace change. But now it was quickly becoming a decision she bitterly regretted.
She rode her bicycle home fast and furiously, weaving around the alleyways and under the arches of the city. She rang her bell as she flew around corners, knowing that she should slow down but didn’t want to. The wind was in her hair and she needed to think. She passed her favourite carved herm that reminded her ofTheMerchant of Veniceon the northern perimeter of the Sheldonian Theatre. She had a superstition about it and would always nod her head to the emperor bust. It wouldn’t be right if she didn’t acknowledge it. She’d heard stories of how the heads of Oxford spoke to each other in the dark of night. She would love to believe the tales were true but brushed them off as a magical myth. The carving reminded her that she would no longer be passing it or nodding at it any longer. It annoyed her that she couldn’t focus on the new experiences she would have instead of what she was saying goodbye to.
When Clara passed the Radcliffe Camera, and admired the beauty of the neoclassical building, she felt the tears running down her cheeks. She remembered the years she studied theology and how much she used the library. The Gladstone Link wasn’t open in those days but it was still just as charming in there. In a way, this was where it all started as Clara remembered poring over Pauline literature and the Reformation papers, being determined to succeed. She desperately wanted to be good at something finally and make her parents proud.
The fresh air had given her clarity. She knew in her heart that she didn’t want to leave. She wanted to stay in Oxford with her friends and the places she knew so well. She also wanted to stay with the man she loved.
By the time Clara pulled into the path at home, all she felt was despair. She had given in her notice, had already been replaced, and told King’s College she would be taking the position. What a mess she had made of everything.
ChapterThirty-Seven
As Tom counted down the days to Clara’s departure, he considered renting out his property. He needed to organise something soon but Clara was still noncommittal about him moving to Cambridge. She had been slightly withdrawn the past week and he was worried it was because she had doubts about their relationship. He had tried to push down his insecurities and if he hadn’t done so much work on himself during rehab, that self-loathing he had suffered from would have started rearing its ugly head.
Whenever he asked Clara about the move, she wouldn’t give him a straight answer. He feared that she was planning her new start without him, despite what he hoped. This seemed even more credible when she invited him over for dinner and told him that ‘they needed to talk’. Everyone knew what that meant, he told himself. Still, he needed to hear whatever she was going to say and tried to stay positive, turning up with a box of Clara’s favourite chocolates.
‘After Eights! Oh, you do know how to spoil a girl,’ said Clara, summoning him inside.
‘I do hope you’re not one of those monstrous people who leaves the empty wrappers inside the box for others to find, are you? Is this where I find out something terrible about you?’ teased Tom.
‘Oh no, that would be so uncouth of me, Tom. What sort of person would that make me? Did you know there are whole online debates about this subject?’
‘Quite frankly, I’m not surprised. Evil behaviour. Imagine thinking there’s one After Eight left to discover it’s an empty wrapper.’
‘The horror of it!’ Clara laughed.
As Tom walked past the kitchen, the smell of sausages and onion wafted over to him.
‘Ooh, never mind the chocolates. Something here smells absolutely divine,’ said Tom, sniffing the air.
‘I do hope you like toad in the hole, Tom.’
‘One of my favourites, actually.’
Tom immediately thought how much he would miss Clara’s cooking if he was to be dumped. Of course, he would miss absolutely everything about her. It didn’t bear thinking about.
While she dished out the toad in the hole, making sure Tom had a nice hearty portion, she looked up to see him watching her. She loved the way his eyes twinkled when he looked at her. You could see the chemistry between them from a mile away.
They both sat down together at the dining table, the one thing she hadn’t sold or donated, and when she looked across at Tom, she thought how she would never consider choosing a man over a career; this was something she was very particular about. Clara would always try to steer students away from making decisions simply because of someone they had met and would tell them that it had to be their decision – what they wanted. Nobody should ever be influenced by someone else. So, as she thought about what she was going to say, she knew it was her decision alone and it was exactly what she wanted to do with no persuasion from any outside force.
‘Everything okay?’ said Tom, sensing her tension.
‘Yes, Tom. Everything is more than okay.’
Clara smiled and put her cutlery down. She was going to wait to finish dinner before explaining how she felt, but she couldn’t wait to tell Tom her news any longer.
‘So, about Cambridge.’
‘Yes, I can’t believe how quickly it’s come around. Six more days and counting.’
‘Yeah. Six more days until I need to leave this beautiful city and all my friends... and you.’
‘Well, it’s a fine promotion you’re getting. More money, lots of opportunities and a new adventure. I’m sure it’ll be worth the upheaval in the long run.’
