‘Tom. Why didn’t you tell me you were feeling so low? I thought we were having fun together. I thought you were happy.’
He didn’t respond and she wondered if Tom could hear her. She had listened to many stories of how unconscious people could detect what was going on around them. He wasn’t quite unconscious, but she hoped he could hear something in his comatose state. There was so much she wanted to say, not to mention ask, but this wasn’t the time or place.
‘I’ve missed you so much. You gave me such a fright with that message, Tom. Thank goodness I found you in time,’ said Clara softly. She noticed how his hair had flopped onto his face and gently moved it behind his ear as she spoke to him.
As Clara kissed Tom’s forehead, she heard something like a slurred ‘sorry’ from his lips, but she wasn’t quite sure what he had tried to say. She was only grateful that whatever it was, at least it signified that he knew of her presence.
‘I’ve been so worried about you. I wish you’d have realised that you could’ve spoken to me. No matter how bad it is, you can always talk to me. Don’t ever do anything like that again.’ Clara could feel Tom’s fingers try to grasp onto hers as she spoke.
‘Oh, Tom. I’m so pleased you can hear me.’
‘Excuse me, sorry,’ a voice interrupted. Clara looked up to see the young nurse standing above them.
‘Do you mind if I do some checks on him?’ she said, gesturing Clara out of the way.
Clara didn’t mind at all, as she needed some air. It had been quite the evening and she felt sick when she thought about it all.
‘It’s fine. You know what? I’ll come back tomorrow. He needs rest anyhow.’
‘Yeah, it’s better for him that he rests now. Don’t worry, I promise we’ll take good care of him.’
Clara thanked the nurse for her kindness and gave Tom another kiss before telling him to have a nice sleep as she left him. She promised she would be back first thing in the morning and hoped they could talk properly then.
Despite being exhausted by the evening’s events, when Clara got home to bed, she hardly slept as she saw the flashbacks of Tom in his dressing gown on his sofa, needing help. To think that he was lying there while she was cleaning the house waiting for him to message her. She had so many regrets and couldn’t stop wishing she had gone around sooner, instead of trying to call him all that time. She should have knocked on his door and spoken to him face to face instead of allowing him to ignore her messages. Her heart hurt as she thought of him alone and struggling while all the time she thought she had been ghosted and ignored.
ChapterTwenty-Three
Tom was sat propped up by a pillow when Clara arrived the next morning. She was pleased to see him looking much brighter, although he did look rather sheepish when he saw her.
‘Good morning, soldier. How are you feeling this morning?’
He couldn’t quite look her in the eye.
‘I’m sorry. I’m so embarrassed. I shouldn’t have messaged you like that.’
‘Are you kidding me? Of course you should have. It could have gone so horribly wrong if you hadn’t. I care for you so much and I’ve missed you terribly, Tom.’
Clara felt clingy as she said that last bit and quickly backtracked.
‘We’ve all missed you so much. John, Darren and everyone at church. We all wondered where you’d got to.’
‘How can I ever face any of you after this? I’ve let everyone down.’
‘You haven’t let anyone down. You’re not well right now, that’s all. You need help to get better. Your mental health is just as important as any other part of your body. If you had a broken leg, you’d want to fix it, wouldn’t you? This is just the same.’
Tom coughed and reached for the water jug to the side of him. ‘Look, you should know something about me...’ He took a sip of the water and Clara helped him put the jug down safely.
‘You don’t have to tell me now. It can wait until you’re better.’
‘No, I want to tell you.’
‘Okay then, go ahead.’
Clara rubbed at her temple as Tom let out a sigh.
‘Right. This is like ripping a plaster off so I’ll come straight out with it. I’m an alcoholic. Well, a recovering alcoholic, only now I guess I’m back to being one again. So, this is a relapse.’
Clara took in what he was saying. She already had an inkling after being in his house. The non-alcoholic communion, the sunny afternoon at the pub when Tom stuck to water; she should have put two and two together sooner.
